I can't sleep and have no idea why...it may have been the killer espresso and bailey's cocktail I had this afternoon or just simply over tired but eh I'm up...and no one else in the house is.
Haven't posted in awhile. Just because of time mostly and packing and cleaning and prepping to move. Huge undertaking...by huge I mean if it can go wrong it has but I'm doing the very best I can not to focus on that...not easy but very necessary...which brings me to one of my topics at hand; handling life and it's glorious curveballs with dignity. Everyone is guilty of having their less than stellar moments where they let the drama get the best of them...myself included more times than I'd like to admit. See I admitted a fault, so therefore I am not preaching I am merely sharing my observations and lessons I learned from said faults. These are only my opinions and if you don't agree that's great...there's a neat little x at the top of your screen so click it and be done.
Pet Peeve Numero Uno...spelling and slang!! ARRRGGGHHH!! This is one I am NOT often guilty of. In this day of social media and technology how you post on Facebook or Twitter or whatever is a presentation of you. If you are going to ghetto speak the people that see it will find you to be uneducated and ridiculous and NOT take you seriously. You can be a brillant mind but if I read a post or missive mispelled with crappy punctuation then I've already judged you. Not good but true. This is your public face. Its like going out in mismatched clothes or wearing a horrid eye shadow. Think before you post people. If you're going to be passive aggressive at least do it spelled right. Know your contractions! Take a class! Read a book even...(ya know those things in the library with paper in it) open one! It will be a whole new world. To get anywhere in life you have to at least be intelligent or be able to fake it. This also applies to drunk posting (guilty) but also I don't care if you get high (I don't. I find it revolting and idiotic and take this very seriously so don't challenge me you won't change my mind) but seriously do you need to put it up cause last I checked it was still illegal and it really lowers what people think of you.
Pet Peeve Numero Dos...Since I touched on passive aggressive I may as well go there...This I am guilty of but getting better. I am learning (through divorce and bitterness) don't ever let them see you sweat cause its ugly and smelly. I am not a confrontational person and that is a blessing and a curse. If you aggravate me enough I will say something. I am just better at ignoring than most people I guess cause I do alot of it. I will kill people with kindness; it may be an underhanded kindness but hell Scarlett didn't get Rhett by playing nice all the time. Martyrdom only worked for a few people in history (think Christ or Joan of Arc) it does NOT work for you. It is an ugly outfit. It doesn't make people feel bad; it makes them talk crap about you. If that's the legacy you want than great. If you have a target, shoot it and move on. Truthfully, I see it on the various social medias and yes it makes me want to know more (gossip monger...another fault). If you are truly in pain and need a friend then find a friend and talk. Go and get what you need at that moment. For just about everyone of my friends I am always available for a glass of wine and a chat but posting it online with sighs and sad faces doesn't help anyone. Remember...PUBLIC PERSONA...I too am working on that lesson and like I said before, I'm trying to get better, baby steps. The challenge I have for you all who read this is try posting something positive for a week or month and see what it does for your image and self esteem. I tried it and while I sometimes fell I still tried. It will make you feel better.
Pet Peeve Numero Tres...Probably should've been number one cause it terribly important but whatever. Emily Post and my grandmother once said "you never discuss politics and religion in polite company". While yes that is true sometimes you can; like when Osama bin Jackass died. Patriotism is always en vogue. I am all for freedom of opinions and setting the world on fire and enjoy a good intelligent debate every now and again but if I don't agree to something you believe and you don't agree with something I believe then it is okay to agree to disagree and remain polite. I don't find you stupid for your beliefs I find you stupid because you're stupid and you can think the same of me. Either way I will still wake up in the morning and God willing so will you. Bigotry and hatred of someone cause of skin color, religion, politics, sexual orientation, etc is just assinine and that too makes you look like less of a person. Everyone has something to give and offer the world. Not all Catholics were in the Inquisition, not all Muslims are terrorists, not all black people are thugs. We let sweeping generalizations affect our independent way of thinking and seeing the world. Love is truly blind. Yes I am a Catholic Republican that believes that Gays and Lesbians should have the right to marry, that if you are born in the wrong body it is your right to change it, that if you take a life you should be locked away, etc. It's my right to think that way and I will not apologize for it just as it's you're right to think your way. I do believe that history will repeat itself if you don't learn the mistakes of past generations. I do believe education is key and the will to do something is enough to change things.
But back to the patriotism...I got the distinct pleasure of going to a gorgeous military wedding this weekend for my cousin who is a physician in the Navy. While in Norfolk, Prince Charming and I took a gorgeous river cruise and got to see some incredible sights including the USS Cole, the USS New York and an LHD boat that just returned from the Red Sea. Truly a humbling and proud experience. I can say after seeing all of that I do feel safe. I am blessed and lucky to know many firemen and emergency service personnel and military and I don't believe they are thanked enough for what they do. I rode an ambulance so I sorta have a clue and I loved a fireman before it was cool so yes I speak from experience. Monday is Memorial Day. Yes, I am going to barbecues this weekend but I am also going to visit a special bench in the park by the library with my sons. That bench has the name of Raymond Ryan next to the US Navy stone. He fought in WW2 (Pacific Theater) and quietly carried his veteran status through life. This is one more reason I am proud to be his granddaughter. My other blessed grandfather, Wilbur Albright, fought in WW2 but in the European theater. He took most of those memories with him when he died and I wish I knew more but him too I am proud to have known and loved and been loved by. They were class and grace and gentlemen and proud Navy men. Thank a Vet, send a card, do something. These men and women are a wealth of knowledge, experience and bravery and they did it so I could sit here on a Friday night at 1am as a woman, mother, aunt, sister, and soon to be wife and write a preachy blog about what I think. That to me is a sacrifice that I'm not sure I could make but I am grateful as hell that they did. This is what I think makes America the greatest country in the world, that she admits to her mistakes and isn't always right and we all have the right to agree and disgaree without being persecuted for it, that we can challenge our government but still respect the office. That makes us great and the regional food isn't bad either haha...
If you made it this far here is my challenge to you...post something good in your life for a month and see if it will take off (all good habits are formed in 30 days says FlyLady...check her out she's brillant) and read a book...I recommend The Greatest Generation by Tom Brokaw. Its an easy read but brilliant in it's ideas and history.
Have a blessed and safe Memorial Day weekend. Thank a Vet...
Friday, May 27, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
Bittersweet but Moving On
Busy last few days here in the Royal Household...no sarcasm today folks...
So today me and ex-husband (formerly known as the Prince) listed the palace with a local real estate agent. I have very mixed feelings on this as this house has been in the family for years. We are the original owners since 1950.
It's bittersweet because I've spent almost every single day of my 33 years of life here. I was baby sat here, I played here, we had the requisite royal gatherings here. HRH Princess N.R. of Middletown, Duchess of Belford can agree with me on all of these points as she too was minded by the Queen Mother herself. These walls have seen grandchildren, great grandchildren, death, loss, and happiness. Unfortunately, these walls also saw the demise of my marriage.
Some of the more blissful memories here I will certainly take with me, even some not so blissful ones. I believe every home has a story and every wall, scratch, fixture, etc. holds a part of our being. It holds a family's story or legacy. This is certainly the case here. We have a wall in the closet where my grandmother (Queen Mother) wrote dates of remodeling, she was a meticulous note taker in all aspects of life. When we removed the paneling I was greeted with my very beloved grandfather's handwriting, of which I hadn't seen in years. Touching that wall where he wrote numbers and measurements let me touch a part of him too. The hallway doorjamb holds the measurements of a tiny precocious child who is now 16 years old who's sarcasm and wit were evident even then. That child, HRH Princess Megs, is an accomplished honors student with an incredible sense of flamboyance and grace not usually seen in girls her age. She is a child of her faith and is not ashamed of it. Her grandparents would be incredibly proud.
I had the blessing of spending most of my days here as a child. After school, homework, snacks, the comforting scent of my grandfathers old work shirts, the click of my grandmothers crochet hook. I used to sit in his lap as a child and pretend to sleep just so he wouldn't move. This house was my safety. I got to be raised here with Princess N.R. What more blessing can one have than to be raised with cousins who daily light up your life and this child did. She was my first living breathing baby doll. I changed her diapers on the kitchen table. I taught her to talk and walk. She was my little shadow and she in turn saved my life in my darkest of preteen days when I felt life was not worth living. She was my biggest fan and she needed me though not like I needed her. We played in the yard. I took her places and enjoyed every laugh and giggle. She is now a stunning young lady with a home of her own and a husband and a life. Without this house and this family I would've not gotten that chance. Her Mother, Queen Nancy of Madeline, was the most beautiful woman in all of the world in my eyes as a child. She had grace and a quiet air. I waited every Saturday morning just to go food shopping with her. This house raised her too as it did my mother and uncle. Its more than just walls.
When I leave I plan on commiting every wall and scratch to memory, taking photos to show my sons and writing the new family a letter telling them that this home was something special. I will take the ghosts with me because (selfishly) I need them. I will not focus on the negative that happened here and only on the idyllic positives that happened. I am blessed truly to have lived this sometimes perfect being. I will not say it was always perfect, there was anger and hate and loss and depression and sometimes violence but what will it do to dwell on those things? I spent enough time doing that and will no longer. You have to walk through the waves to get to the beach and what's a life without some discord and we certainly had plenty (think Kennedys or Windsors but on a much less national and poorer scale). Prince Charming and I along with the 2 princes will find a new palace and make that a home worthy of the King's granddaughter. I know he understands why I have to do this and that is why I'm confident in my decision and what I take with me will never fit in a box. 3 generations of life under one roof is legacy enough for any man and he deserved it.
Good night all...
So today me and ex-husband (formerly known as the Prince) listed the palace with a local real estate agent. I have very mixed feelings on this as this house has been in the family for years. We are the original owners since 1950.
It's bittersweet because I've spent almost every single day of my 33 years of life here. I was baby sat here, I played here, we had the requisite royal gatherings here. HRH Princess N.R. of Middletown, Duchess of Belford can agree with me on all of these points as she too was minded by the Queen Mother herself. These walls have seen grandchildren, great grandchildren, death, loss, and happiness. Unfortunately, these walls also saw the demise of my marriage.
Some of the more blissful memories here I will certainly take with me, even some not so blissful ones. I believe every home has a story and every wall, scratch, fixture, etc. holds a part of our being. It holds a family's story or legacy. This is certainly the case here. We have a wall in the closet where my grandmother (Queen Mother) wrote dates of remodeling, she was a meticulous note taker in all aspects of life. When we removed the paneling I was greeted with my very beloved grandfather's handwriting, of which I hadn't seen in years. Touching that wall where he wrote numbers and measurements let me touch a part of him too. The hallway doorjamb holds the measurements of a tiny precocious child who is now 16 years old who's sarcasm and wit were evident even then. That child, HRH Princess Megs, is an accomplished honors student with an incredible sense of flamboyance and grace not usually seen in girls her age. She is a child of her faith and is not ashamed of it. Her grandparents would be incredibly proud.
I had the blessing of spending most of my days here as a child. After school, homework, snacks, the comforting scent of my grandfathers old work shirts, the click of my grandmothers crochet hook. I used to sit in his lap as a child and pretend to sleep just so he wouldn't move. This house was my safety. I got to be raised here with Princess N.R. What more blessing can one have than to be raised with cousins who daily light up your life and this child did. She was my first living breathing baby doll. I changed her diapers on the kitchen table. I taught her to talk and walk. She was my little shadow and she in turn saved my life in my darkest of preteen days when I felt life was not worth living. She was my biggest fan and she needed me though not like I needed her. We played in the yard. I took her places and enjoyed every laugh and giggle. She is now a stunning young lady with a home of her own and a husband and a life. Without this house and this family I would've not gotten that chance. Her Mother, Queen Nancy of Madeline, was the most beautiful woman in all of the world in my eyes as a child. She had grace and a quiet air. I waited every Saturday morning just to go food shopping with her. This house raised her too as it did my mother and uncle. Its more than just walls.
When I leave I plan on commiting every wall and scratch to memory, taking photos to show my sons and writing the new family a letter telling them that this home was something special. I will take the ghosts with me because (selfishly) I need them. I will not focus on the negative that happened here and only on the idyllic positives that happened. I am blessed truly to have lived this sometimes perfect being. I will not say it was always perfect, there was anger and hate and loss and depression and sometimes violence but what will it do to dwell on those things? I spent enough time doing that and will no longer. You have to walk through the waves to get to the beach and what's a life without some discord and we certainly had plenty (think Kennedys or Windsors but on a much less national and poorer scale). Prince Charming and I along with the 2 princes will find a new palace and make that a home worthy of the King's granddaughter. I know he understands why I have to do this and that is why I'm confident in my decision and what I take with me will never fit in a box. 3 generations of life under one roof is legacy enough for any man and he deserved it.
Good night all...
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Finding Voices for the 2 Princes...
My patience is super slim today and I don't know why.
Spent my day with Prince Charming and HRH #2 (the youngest). Lately HRH2 has been UNBEARABLE...as in whatdayisitdearGodwhatdoIdowithyounow!! I try to affectionately explain to Prince Charming that he is "finding his voice". That's a load of crap though...he's just being a demanding and tantruming and I need a drink.
To a certain extent maybe he is "finding his voice". The child does not have his brother's size on his side. He's my teeny tiny boy. My Precious Moments gorgeous brown eyed child (not my words...I have been stopped in stores and told this). He can make your heart melt...until he speaks. He's a brilliantly funny child and Jr. King of the One Liners (his grandfather in heaven would be proud) but he is now discovering that contrary behavior is the new black and he is wearing it like I wear stilettos. I say red he says blue just because he can. I say no and he butchers me into submission like no one I've ever seen. He makes me laugh daily and is super smart and super quick. He has ZERO fear of anything or anyone (except the dark...battle lines are drawn if it's dark). He finds humor in everything around him and doesn't believe that there is any bad in the world. This little tiny body and huge opinion voice. It's not often he wants his Mommy as he is fiercely independent so when he offers hugs they are to be taken or there would be no love for the Momma. I see other parents at school and they all tell me how HRH2 is the King of the Hill and the Talk of the Class. I need to teach him how to wear that like a cape...a super hero cape preferably, but then he will inevitably jump off of something whether I let him or not. Nothing will stop him...not even me the Evil Princess of Mommydom and Prince Charming...though I have to give him credit where its due...Prince Charming was like Prince Albert of Monaco; a confirmed bachelor. He has taken the reins of stepfatherdom with a passion I can't believe or have seen in any man short of my own stepfather...He wants to know everything and be everywhere and HRH2 is a very worthy opponent. He would open a vein for my sons and in that I am blessed. He plays good cop to my bad and takes on the conversations that I don't want to have (when they come up in my palace) being their mom and a girl. The arguments are sometimes comical in my house and sometimes I'm not sure who is 5 but it's a learning experience and I would have to give Prince Charming a very strong B+ to an A- more for effort than execution. Though Tubby Time was mildly successful tonight in that the child is clean. Don't look too hard though...
I don't remember HRH1 EVER being like this. HRH1 is my charitable child, my heart and soul, my firstborn, my super talented yet non humble brooding soul (think starving artist). He will be the gentle giant. HRH1 sees stories in colors and hears the words to songs and understands things in more than black and white or face value. He roots for the underdog. He will give you the confidence he should keep for himself. I worry for him more than for HRH2. HRH1 has battled and fought and struggled and he's so brilliant and bright but just doesn't know where he fits in the world. He's the one I want to protect and keep. He's the sensitive soul that will find the good in even the most horrid of people. He is kind and faithful. He has is moments of rage and impatience that any 11 year old child has and he loves his video games and NERF guns as much as any other kid but he truly worries what people think of him. I can teach him not to care (cause really who would know better than me...I could sell tabloids apparently) but he always will care. He just wants to be loved. He is always willing to hug or compliment or anything.
Right now if I had to chose a child that was "finding his voice" it would have to be HRH1. I think HRH2 found his already and will take on the world (unless its dark out...reference battle lines).
HRH2 just announced he's going upstairs to get some grub...yep that's my kid...Heir Apparent to the Sarcasm Fortune. I would post the Leaning Crown of Underwear Hat here but it's on my Facebook if you'd like a visual...
Spent my day with Prince Charming and HRH #2 (the youngest). Lately HRH2 has been UNBEARABLE...as in whatdayisitdearGodwhatdoIdowithyounow!! I try to affectionately explain to Prince Charming that he is "finding his voice". That's a load of crap though...he's just being a demanding and tantruming and I need a drink.
To a certain extent maybe he is "finding his voice". The child does not have his brother's size on his side. He's my teeny tiny boy. My Precious Moments gorgeous brown eyed child (not my words...I have been stopped in stores and told this). He can make your heart melt...until he speaks. He's a brilliantly funny child and Jr. King of the One Liners (his grandfather in heaven would be proud) but he is now discovering that contrary behavior is the new black and he is wearing it like I wear stilettos. I say red he says blue just because he can. I say no and he butchers me into submission like no one I've ever seen. He makes me laugh daily and is super smart and super quick. He has ZERO fear of anything or anyone (except the dark...battle lines are drawn if it's dark). He finds humor in everything around him and doesn't believe that there is any bad in the world. This little tiny body and huge opinion voice. It's not often he wants his Mommy as he is fiercely independent so when he offers hugs they are to be taken or there would be no love for the Momma. I see other parents at school and they all tell me how HRH2 is the King of the Hill and the Talk of the Class. I need to teach him how to wear that like a cape...a super hero cape preferably, but then he will inevitably jump off of something whether I let him or not. Nothing will stop him...not even me the Evil Princess of Mommydom and Prince Charming...though I have to give him credit where its due...Prince Charming was like Prince Albert of Monaco; a confirmed bachelor. He has taken the reins of stepfatherdom with a passion I can't believe or have seen in any man short of my own stepfather...He wants to know everything and be everywhere and HRH2 is a very worthy opponent. He would open a vein for my sons and in that I am blessed. He plays good cop to my bad and takes on the conversations that I don't want to have (when they come up in my palace) being their mom and a girl. The arguments are sometimes comical in my house and sometimes I'm not sure who is 5 but it's a learning experience and I would have to give Prince Charming a very strong B+ to an A- more for effort than execution. Though Tubby Time was mildly successful tonight in that the child is clean. Don't look too hard though...
I don't remember HRH1 EVER being like this. HRH1 is my charitable child, my heart and soul, my firstborn, my super talented yet non humble brooding soul (think starving artist). He will be the gentle giant. HRH1 sees stories in colors and hears the words to songs and understands things in more than black and white or face value. He roots for the underdog. He will give you the confidence he should keep for himself. I worry for him more than for HRH2. HRH1 has battled and fought and struggled and he's so brilliant and bright but just doesn't know where he fits in the world. He's the one I want to protect and keep. He's the sensitive soul that will find the good in even the most horrid of people. He is kind and faithful. He has is moments of rage and impatience that any 11 year old child has and he loves his video games and NERF guns as much as any other kid but he truly worries what people think of him. I can teach him not to care (cause really who would know better than me...I could sell tabloids apparently) but he always will care. He just wants to be loved. He is always willing to hug or compliment or anything.
Right now if I had to chose a child that was "finding his voice" it would have to be HRH1. I think HRH2 found his already and will take on the world (unless its dark out...reference battle lines).
HRH2 just announced he's going upstairs to get some grub...yep that's my kid...Heir Apparent to the Sarcasm Fortune. I would post the Leaning Crown of Underwear Hat here but it's on my Facebook if you'd like a visual...
Monday, May 9, 2011
First Blog Ever
Sooo...after much consideration and reading my dear friends blogs and extol the virtues of blogging, I decided to jump in the pot and see what's cookin...
I'm a "fly by the seat of my pants" kinda girl in some aspects and this foray is definitely one of those things. I did think about it and it was goal and yadda yadda yadda but did I ever think I would do it...nah...but here I am. Another one of the many things that I've done that I didn't think I would do. Even funnier about this is that had I not gotten into a tiff with Prince Charming (we will get into him later but that's what I call my wonderful fiance) I probably wouldn't be downstairs in my newly cleaned office doing this. (Yes I'm proud of my newly cleaned office, hidden in the basement)
As I type this my 11 year old, we will call him Heir Apparent, is playing the Wii and narrating a baseball game and my 5 year old; we will call him Harry, just cause he reminds me in some ways of Prince Harry of Wales...we will get into my morbid obsession with all things royal in another blog...is happily and toplessly cutting piece of paper into a shape only he knows. I don't know why he's topless but I also am not asking. As I listen while I type and hear them speak I do sit and wonder what could possibly be going through their heads? Is it as simple as a baseball game or scissors? What do they think of me as a mom? Am I too doting or am I too mean? I'm afraid to ask...I'm sure later in life they will tell me but right now I just want to revel in the innocence that is them. They are what drive me. They are why I look for jobs and do my best (which right now isn't great) or go without eating to buy school pictures, etc.
I know the world will not love them like I do, I know no one will love them like I do but I want to present the world with 2 incredible young men who have something to offer even if it is just a wii baseball commentary or a killer piece of cut origami...topless (yea still). I want them to be better than me, cliche I know but true. I want them to be gentlemen, even if they are ditch diggers at least be dignified about it. I want them to know that class and grace will get you further in life. I want them to know that they are cut from the stock of a man who exuded class and grace and an honest days' work and charity. This man ahd a 1000 watt smile whether he liked you or not. This man was a gentlemen and would hate the pedestal he lives on in my world. This man was an HVAC repairman, not white collar or Ivy League trained. I want them to know and live to his standard. The problem is I sometimes forget to make that my standard.
Since my divorce, I have not learned yet to "up" my standards. I yell and cry and curse and wish bad things and maybe this blog is my way of "writing" and seeing in pure thought what I do and where I can get better. It can be a honest account of what is really happening behind the Clinique Chocolate Ice lipstick (that lately I haven't been putting on). I hope that it is and I hope that maybe one person looks behind my sometimes shallow and Scarlett O'Hara type advice and see that it takes baby steps to get back once was. Tomorrow I will try like hell to take that small baby step and put my lipstick on...
PS If you haven't tried the Clinique Chocolate Ice lipstick...do so!! It will change your life!
I'm a "fly by the seat of my pants" kinda girl in some aspects and this foray is definitely one of those things. I did think about it and it was goal and yadda yadda yadda but did I ever think I would do it...nah...but here I am. Another one of the many things that I've done that I didn't think I would do. Even funnier about this is that had I not gotten into a tiff with Prince Charming (we will get into him later but that's what I call my wonderful fiance) I probably wouldn't be downstairs in my newly cleaned office doing this. (Yes I'm proud of my newly cleaned office, hidden in the basement)
As I type this my 11 year old, we will call him Heir Apparent, is playing the Wii and narrating a baseball game and my 5 year old; we will call him Harry, just cause he reminds me in some ways of Prince Harry of Wales...we will get into my morbid obsession with all things royal in another blog...is happily and toplessly cutting piece of paper into a shape only he knows. I don't know why he's topless but I also am not asking. As I listen while I type and hear them speak I do sit and wonder what could possibly be going through their heads? Is it as simple as a baseball game or scissors? What do they think of me as a mom? Am I too doting or am I too mean? I'm afraid to ask...I'm sure later in life they will tell me but right now I just want to revel in the innocence that is them. They are what drive me. They are why I look for jobs and do my best (which right now isn't great) or go without eating to buy school pictures, etc.
I know the world will not love them like I do, I know no one will love them like I do but I want to present the world with 2 incredible young men who have something to offer even if it is just a wii baseball commentary or a killer piece of cut origami...topless (yea still). I want them to be better than me, cliche I know but true. I want them to be gentlemen, even if they are ditch diggers at least be dignified about it. I want them to know that class and grace will get you further in life. I want them to know that they are cut from the stock of a man who exuded class and grace and an honest days' work and charity. This man ahd a 1000 watt smile whether he liked you or not. This man was a gentlemen and would hate the pedestal he lives on in my world. This man was an HVAC repairman, not white collar or Ivy League trained. I want them to know and live to his standard. The problem is I sometimes forget to make that my standard.
Since my divorce, I have not learned yet to "up" my standards. I yell and cry and curse and wish bad things and maybe this blog is my way of "writing" and seeing in pure thought what I do and where I can get better. It can be a honest account of what is really happening behind the Clinique Chocolate Ice lipstick (that lately I haven't been putting on). I hope that it is and I hope that maybe one person looks behind my sometimes shallow and Scarlett O'Hara type advice and see that it takes baby steps to get back once was. Tomorrow I will try like hell to take that small baby step and put my lipstick on...
PS If you haven't tried the Clinique Chocolate Ice lipstick...do so!! It will change your life!
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