Bittersweet but Moving On

Busy last few days here in the Royal Household...no sarcasm today folks...

So today me and ex-husband (formerly known as the Prince) listed the palace with a local real estate agent. I have very mixed feelings on this as this house has been in the family for years. We are the original owners since 1950.

It's bittersweet because I've spent almost every single day of my 33 years of life here. I was baby sat here, I played here, we had the requisite royal gatherings here. HRH Princess N.R. of Middletown, Duchess of Belford can agree with me on all of these points as she too was minded by the Queen Mother herself. These walls have seen grandchildren, great grandchildren, death, loss, and happiness. Unfortunately, these walls also saw the demise of my marriage.

Some of the more blissful memories here I will certainly take with me, even some not so blissful ones. I believe every home has a story and every wall, scratch, fixture, etc. holds a part of our being. It holds a family's story or legacy. This is certainly the case here. We have a wall in the closet where my grandmother (Queen Mother) wrote dates of remodeling, she was a meticulous note taker in all aspects of life. When we removed the paneling I was greeted with my very beloved grandfather's handwriting, of which I hadn't seen in years. Touching that wall where he wrote numbers and measurements let me touch a part of him too. The hallway doorjamb holds the measurements of a tiny precocious child who is now 16 years old who's sarcasm and wit were evident even then. That child, HRH Princess Megs, is an accomplished honors student with an incredible sense of flamboyance and grace not usually seen in girls her age. She is a child of her faith and is not ashamed of it. Her grandparents would be incredibly proud.

I had the blessing of spending most of my days here as a child. After school, homework, snacks, the comforting scent of my grandfathers old work shirts, the click of my grandmothers crochet hook. I used to sit in his lap as a child and pretend to sleep just so he wouldn't move. This house was my safety. I got to be raised here with Princess N.R. What more blessing can one have than to be raised with cousins who daily light up your life and this child did. She was my first living breathing baby doll. I changed her diapers on the kitchen table. I taught her to talk and walk. She was my little shadow and she in turn saved my life in my darkest of preteen days when I felt life was not worth living. She was my biggest fan and she needed me though not like I needed her. We played in the yard. I took her places and enjoyed every laugh and giggle. She is now a stunning young lady with a home of her own and a husband and a life. Without this house and this family I would've not gotten that chance. Her Mother, Queen Nancy of Madeline, was the most beautiful woman in all of the world in my eyes as a child. She had grace and a quiet air. I waited every Saturday morning just to go food shopping with her. This house raised her too as it did my mother and uncle. Its more than just walls.

When I leave I plan on commiting every wall and scratch to memory, taking photos to show my sons and writing the new family a letter telling them that this home was something special. I will take the ghosts with me because (selfishly) I need them. I will not focus on the negative that happened here and only on the idyllic positives that happened. I am blessed truly to have lived this sometimes perfect being. I will not say it was always perfect, there was anger and hate and loss and depression and sometimes violence but what will it do to dwell on those things? I spent enough time doing that and will no longer. You have to walk through the waves to get to the beach and what's a life without some discord and we certainly had plenty (think Kennedys or Windsors but on a much less national and poorer scale). Prince Charming and I along with the 2 princes will find a new palace and make that a home worthy of the King's granddaughter. I know he understands why I have to do this and that is why I'm confident in my decision and what I take with me will never fit in a box. 3 generations of life under one roof is legacy enough for any man and he deserved it.

Good night all...