First Blog Ever

Sooo...after much consideration and reading my dear friends blogs and extol the virtues of blogging, I decided to jump in the pot and see what's cookin...

I'm a "fly by the seat of my pants" kinda girl in some aspects and this foray is definitely one of those things. I did think about it and it was goal and yadda yadda yadda but did I ever think I would do it...nah...but here I am. Another one of the many things that I've done that I didn't think I would do. Even funnier about this is that had I not gotten into a tiff with Prince Charming (we will get into him later but that's what I call my wonderful fiance) I probably wouldn't be downstairs in my newly cleaned office doing this. (Yes I'm proud of my newly cleaned office, hidden in the basement)

As I type this my 11 year old, we will call him Heir Apparent, is playing the Wii and narrating a baseball game and my 5 year old; we will call him Harry, just cause he reminds me in some ways of Prince Harry of Wales...we will get into my morbid obsession with all things royal in another blog...is happily and toplessly cutting  piece of paper into a shape only he knows. I don't know why he's topless but I also am not asking. As I listen while I type and hear them speak I do sit and wonder what could possibly be going through their heads? Is it as simple as a baseball game or scissors? What do they think of me as a mom? Am I too doting or am I too mean? I'm afraid to ask...I'm sure later in life they will tell me but right now I just want to revel in the innocence that is them. They are what drive me. They are why I look for jobs and do my best (which right now isn't great) or go without eating to buy school pictures, etc.

I know the world will not love them like I do, I know no one will love them like I do but I want to present the world with 2 incredible young men who have something to offer even if it is just a wii baseball commentary or a killer piece of cut origami...topless (yea still). I want them to be better than me, cliche I know but true. I want them to be gentlemen, even if they are ditch diggers at least be dignified about it. I want them to know that class and grace will get you further in life. I want them to know that they are cut from the stock of a man who exuded class and grace and an honest days' work and charity. This man ahd a 1000 watt smile whether he liked you or not. This man was a gentlemen and would hate the pedestal he lives on in my world. This man was an HVAC repairman, not white collar or Ivy League trained. I want them to know and live to his standard. The problem is I sometimes forget to make that my standard.

Since my divorce, I have not learned yet to "up" my standards. I yell and cry and curse and wish bad things and maybe this blog is my way of "writing" and seeing in pure thought what I do and where I can get better. It can be a honest account of what is really happening behind the Clinique Chocolate Ice lipstick (that lately I haven't been putting on). I hope that it is and I hope that maybe one person looks behind my sometimes shallow and Scarlett O'Hara type advice and see that it takes baby steps to get back once was. Tomorrow I will try like hell to take that small baby step and put my lipstick on...

PS If you haven't tried the Clinique Chocolate Ice lipstick...do so!! It will change your life!