Tolerance

I was walking to lunch in my building and since I don't know anyone here I get to spend alot of time in my own head...sometimes its fun and sometimes its not. I got to thinking about a blog I had just read from someone who met a small autistic child in an elevator that got stuck and she was able to connect with this boy and let mom vent for a bit. It resonated with me on a few levels...

A few weeks ago His Highness took me to dinner down the shore for my birthday. Great restaurant, great wine, seabreeze...this was a dream date for me. The next table over was a boy, probably about 7 or 8, in a high chair. He was vebalizing and signing and interacting and had the most haunting gorgeous blue eyes I had ever seen (short of my Landon Love). He was gorgeous and blissfully oblivious to the everything going on around him. When it came time for the family to leave they had some difficulty getting him out of the chair without hurting him. A few things got dropped, some silver, a plate etc. I went over to pick up some of the said items and give them a hand as everyone else stared and commented and such and mom was mildly frazzled and he smiled at me. It was like God Himself came down. He was radiant. His mother apologetically looked at me and said "he is autistic" and I said okay cause truthfully that did nothing to sway my opinion of how beautiful this child is. I signed to him in my very rudimentary way of doing so and with what limited knowledge I have and he signed back and we had the semblance of a conversation. They left and the comments subsided with some serious side eye and a comment back about the child being better behaved than their disgusting dog. Not my finest moment but kinda don't care.

It made me think though...why did this woman feel the need to apologize to me for her son's autism. I don't get it. She doesn't owe me anything. Then I realized I do it too with Darling Prince 1. I apologize when he is hyper, I do what I can to stop it (sometimes even leaving). Why do I do that and why do I care about everyone else's perception and feel the need to apologize for a child that I have no regrets for? I will apologize if the does something or hurts someone (which gratefully has never happened). How does that make him feel? Granted he is not on the spectrum but has ADHD and puberty which can and is a pretty lethal mood mix. The massive amount of respect I have for these parents I'm sure means nothing to them because they (like I) are doing the best they can for a child they would lay down their life for. Yea I get my son is hyper...Yea I get he can get annoying at times...but if I say something to him or do the little "knock it off" signal we have going on I don't need the point being reiterated by everyone else. Whether it be family or not I am a one woman show when it comes down to my sons and they use their pleases and thank yous and are respectful and good kids but have their moments...just like some adults I know. Don't start playing rough with him when you know he has no concept of when it ends and expect him to just stop. Doesn't work that way and no I'm not going to cater to you and reprimand him for something he didn't start. Granted, if he did I will end quickly and do something but no, not if he didn't start it.

I don't get the need to give an apology for something that can't be helped. Maybe I am terrible naive in my thinking but that's why it's MY thinking. The biggest bain of existence in my opinion is intolerance. I know I've talked about it before but it is something I am passionate about. Why do people with "perfect" lives and "perfect" children feel the need to think that those of us that have "less than perfect" (that's crap they are all perfect) kids have to cater to them? As I said a few days ago...I am very angry at ADD for the havoc it has reeked upon my life but that doesn't make my son any less "perfect". He is creative and wonderful and will continually root for the underdog. He just wants to make people happy. His smile can light up a room. He is so smart and funny and sees colors and feels music and to me that is a full and rich life. Yes he has his limitations. He is emotional, he has fits of rage, he can't sit still and must hear his name a million times daily. He gets frustrated with himself. He hates those three stupid letters as much as I do if not more. It has cost him friends and understanding. His social skills lack and I try like hell to teach him but how can I when sometimes I don't know any better? I don't let him use this a crutch as I wasn't allowed to either. He does try so hard and I see it in his eyes. I see the hurt and the "why me" moments. Yes, I let him have them sometimes cause he has to but I tell him that it will get better and we learn together.

Why is it people fear what they don't understand? I don't get it. I nor my son asked to have this. I didn't ask to be born white as much as anyone asked to be born black or spanish or asian or german or hungarian or whatever. Why can't acceptance be as correct as ignorance?