Happy New Year...Really...I mean it

Well after my year of life changing incidents of 2011 I'm ready to move up and on...

Granted it's only January 2nd and EVERYONE is still positively thinking but I am pretty determined but don't we all start out that way??

Here's my goal and promise...I am going to give it all I have. That's all I can promise and do. I am going to take it week to week and not give up when I fail. Just start all over. I am going to use the tools and resources I have and FOLLOW THROUGH. I have to. I cannot live like this anymore. Not for just me. I must do this for my child. I NEED to do this for my child and there is no greater love than from a mother to her son. I cannot let him see the pattern of failure. He has to know that he and I can fight those nasty little letters, ADD, together.

I am going to have setbacks and some days just give up but I can't. I have to push through. I have to have faith that it will get better for me and for him. I have to grow up more and not worry about what everyone else wants or needs. I have to live for those two little boys and for me.

I have found in the last week that my health and wellbeing now depend on letting go and moving on. I need to do that. I need to get rid of as much of the poison as I can. I will never be what she wants me to be and I don't want to be that. I just want to be happy. To have the happiness that has eluded her for her entire life. I want to take this year and do for me. Get myself organized, get my finances fixed to the best of my ability, find the work I want to do, and learn how to manage my house. I have to learn to accept help and let go of the crap that's weighing me down. I need to be a better wife and mom. I need to not let this depression own me. I need to find my spirit again. Be done apologizing and find my spirit. That may be the hardest part but I am determined as much as anyone else is on January 2nd.

This New Year's I want to have goals, not resolutions that will be broken, but goals that I will take the time to work on and fulfill. I need to work on me this year. Adjust to my new life and being. I can no longer live in the past of what I once was. I am no longer sorry for the turn my life has taken. I am sorry for how it happened but not for how it ended up. Now I need to manage the damage and and get rid of what I can't help.

These are the promises I am making to myself and I need your help, as my friends, to help me. This is another goal...ask for help when I need it and I need help.

A blessed and Happy New Year to all of you...