September Morn...well afternoon

Now that Godforsaken Neil Diamond song is in my head...arrrggghhhh

So happy happy September to all! What a month that's coming.

September is . . . . Self Improvement Month, Be Kind To Editors and Writers Month, International Square Dance Month, Cable TV Month, National Bed Check Month, National Chicken Month, National Courtesy Month, National Honey Month, National Mind Mapping Month, National Piano Month, National Rice Month, National Papaya Month, and Classical Music Month

Didya get all that? (credit to http://library.thinkquest.org/2886/sep.htm) So...Self Improvement Month...yep. Umm I tried that last month and that was probably why it didn't work.

What a world lately...My babies started school. So did everyone else's kids too. We had a hurricane. We are gearing up for another hurricane. It's the 10 year Anniversary of 9/11 (stay tuned there WILL be a blog about that...). I am getting hitched. So yea alot is happening. Still looking for that neat little way to sort it and box it and organize it. How do you box away a Summer and take out for the Fall when it was never done before? New season, new month, new time. That's my goal. My goal is to get rid of the summer carelessness and get my Fall and wedding, charity and holidays done.

First major accomplishement!! I organized all of both princes stuff for school to present to their father in a neat little bag. I was very proud of myself. My list is still here and some of it is getting checked off. Piece by piece it's getting done. I still don't have a handle on this but I have an accomplishment in trying. I will not lie and say the Junior High Back to School Night was easy for me because in my mind I am thinking there is no way in hell my child will be able to keep up with this pace of organization. There are 3 (count em 3) different places for him to have a book, he needs folders for every class, his homework may or may not be checked daily. This is all something that I am trying to get a handle on to better show him. If I keep my bag organized maybe he will too. If I clean up the house maybe he will keep his space neat. If I use my datebook religiously maybe he will do the same with his homework agenda. I have to have to lead by example or I will be the one that sets him up for failure. I have to dictate a stick to a routine. I have to do this but I have to come up with a plan that works for me and for him. This is one of the "Self Improvement Month" goals.

Second major accomplishment!!! I am getting the wedding stuff done and planning ahead and holding myself accountable for my dates and what happens. I know exactly what I want and I am not budging. I am getting it done when I say I will and it's being done the way I want it. I have the best help in the family and friends that love and support me. I don't want or need a Platinum Wedding...I just need my wedding (to him)...

I am watching my entire llife change in a matter of weeks and I recently got the best advice about positivity. It is true that what I put out will come back to me. I need to put out positive. I need to get it done. In no way am I claiming that life is perfect cause it isn't but I am going to get what I take out of it and if it means leaving something that I used to be behind then so be it. I've done more in the last month that I haven't done in years. I auditioned for a show, I had dinner with a friend, I had lunch with another, I did my job, I've grown by leaps and bounds as a mother, I've travelled, I've planned, I read a book, I volunteered, I'm a class Mom for the best Kindergartner EVAR, I came out of the "blog closet" and told my family I've been writing, I've celebrated with friends and family. Some days are worse than others and I need to jump on the upswing and take it. I get excited about things. I'm in love with a less than perfect person and that's fine cause he's my perfect. I have to learn to plan appropriately and take it as it comes which is a lesson that all of us have to learn at one point or the next.

So yea September is "Self Improvement Month"....

Trying to Connect the Pieces

Oh look...I'm useless at work again today. Gratefully, they let me do this.

Feeling crazy defeated today. I miss my boys like mad and the problem with boredom here is that it makes my mind wander. It generally wanders into some sort of horror movie-esque dark alley that has every possible bad thing you can imagine.

So during my less than productive boredom I sit here trying to find ways to better myself. I research schools and daydream about going back. I look up calendars and tips and hoping that maybe I can find that magical site that will just <snap> fix my life. Newsflash...I didn't find it. So today in my disgusting amount of free time, I am looking up fellow Mommy bloggers to follow. It's actually kinda fun to see how I'm not totally alone in some of my feelings. I want to ask them how they get followers, how they get their words out there. I originally started this little sojourn into blogging because I felt it would be fun and a release but now I realize I kinda want to be heard. Maybe another mom out there does feel the way I do. This is something I will continue to explore.

So coming off of yesterday's rant I've decided that today I am going to spend the afternoon cleaning my desk and at least getting my work life in order. After work, I am going to get something done at home..not perfect but something. I mean done. Start to finish. No shortcuts. I need to capitalize on when the boys are with their dad and not sit and simmer and miss them the way I do. I have to start small. If I plan too too big it won't happen. I need to do this for them. We have 2 weeks until school starts and I need to know that I did whatever I could to make this a successful year for them. I have to choose to take the upswing and make it stay there.

The problem with the ADD mom struggle is I write lists. I am an avid list writer. I don't finish them I just write them. So the best of intentions are there. What makes me the maddest of all is when I finally do the things I set out to and find that a) it was painless b) it's too late to fix it now or c) it took 3 minutes. Sad right? It's very easy for anyone to say just get it done the problem is I sabotage the hell out of myself and just don't do it. I don't know why. So my goal for the next few days is make a list and do it. Get it done. I am giving myself till Sunday to get my list done. I have to not get ahead of myself here and take each day as it comes and for those of you that read yesterday...Yea I'm still angry. I have this delusion of grandeur that I am going to get all of the tools I need and religiously and methodically write and plan and take notes on my schedule and daily life. I have to make this delusion a reality. An unorganized mom is pretty bad but an ADD unorganized mom of an ADD kid is worse. Unfortunately, I'm pretty beat cause I'm fairly unorganized. I need my smartphone back. I was super powerful and all knowing with my smartphone...yea well in my disorganization I dropped it and it broke...of course I didn't have insurance that would be too much like thinking ahead...see what I mean...

Stay tuned for tomorrow to see what I do with my magic list...