Trying to Connect the Pieces

Oh look...I'm useless at work again today. Gratefully, they let me do this.

Feeling crazy defeated today. I miss my boys like mad and the problem with boredom here is that it makes my mind wander. It generally wanders into some sort of horror movie-esque dark alley that has every possible bad thing you can imagine.

So during my less than productive boredom I sit here trying to find ways to better myself. I research schools and daydream about going back. I look up calendars and tips and hoping that maybe I can find that magical site that will just <snap> fix my life. Newsflash...I didn't find it. So today in my disgusting amount of free time, I am looking up fellow Mommy bloggers to follow. It's actually kinda fun to see how I'm not totally alone in some of my feelings. I want to ask them how they get followers, how they get their words out there. I originally started this little sojourn into blogging because I felt it would be fun and a release but now I realize I kinda want to be heard. Maybe another mom out there does feel the way I do. This is something I will continue to explore.

So coming off of yesterday's rant I've decided that today I am going to spend the afternoon cleaning my desk and at least getting my work life in order. After work, I am going to get something done at home..not perfect but something. I mean done. Start to finish. No shortcuts. I need to capitalize on when the boys are with their dad and not sit and simmer and miss them the way I do. I have to start small. If I plan too too big it won't happen. I need to do this for them. We have 2 weeks until school starts and I need to know that I did whatever I could to make this a successful year for them. I have to choose to take the upswing and make it stay there.

The problem with the ADD mom struggle is I write lists. I am an avid list writer. I don't finish them I just write them. So the best of intentions are there. What makes me the maddest of all is when I finally do the things I set out to and find that a) it was painless b) it's too late to fix it now or c) it took 3 minutes. Sad right? It's very easy for anyone to say just get it done the problem is I sabotage the hell out of myself and just don't do it. I don't know why. So my goal for the next few days is make a list and do it. Get it done. I am giving myself till Sunday to get my list done. I have to not get ahead of myself here and take each day as it comes and for those of you that read yesterday...Yea I'm still angry. I have this delusion of grandeur that I am going to get all of the tools I need and religiously and methodically write and plan and take notes on my schedule and daily life. I have to make this delusion a reality. An unorganized mom is pretty bad but an ADD unorganized mom of an ADD kid is worse. Unfortunately, I'm pretty beat cause I'm fairly unorganized. I need my smartphone back. I was super powerful and all knowing with my smartphone...yea well in my disorganization I dropped it and it broke...of course I didn't have insurance that would be too much like thinking ahead...see what I mean...

Stay tuned for tomorrow to see what I do with my magic list...