Again with the unintentional hiatus...
So here we are at November 1st. Halloween came and went with a snowstorm of all things. (Continued prayers for strength for those affected the most severely...)
November...The birth month of 2 of my favorite people. One is a gorgeous young lady who will be 24 and knows what I'm thinking before I do and manages to run her house, have a life and marriage and ride with me on crazy off the wall ideas that only she gets and somehow finds time to help me manage my life..the other is my teeny tiny boy who will be a whole 6 this month but will always be my baby who makes me laugh every silly day...
It is also the high mommy pressure start of the holiday season. Yes the time of year where my new husband will file for a holiday separation or understand why I'm nuts. The time of year that baking gets factored in to grocery lists, volunteering is at an all time high, snowmen overrun my home (much like the zombie apocalypse), charity work comes to a head and my appearances at school functions becomes a daily occurrence. Honestly, its one of my many favorite times to be a mom.
I love that my sons get excited about every day. I love that they see how to help others and can help parlay that into everyday life. I love the stars in their eyes and the general glow they lend to my home during the season. I love that people say hi and Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. I love that no matter how old anyone is they do believe in the magic of lights and snow and trees.
Maybe I'm naive in my thinking but I do believe that every child deserves Christmas. Every child deserves to find something under the tree. Every child should get to have the magic and happiness even if its only for a day. So now that it's November 1st go out and find an angel tree when they are up or get involved in a roup that's helping give Christmas to those who need it most. I know a chick who's got an awesome project who could use a hand. (wink wink)
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
United American
9/11/2001 was a sunny, beautiful day. The temperature was perfect. It was a Tuesday. 287 was the bastard road it generally is. Everyone has a story, everyone has a hell to tell on that day 10 long years ago. I was 23. HRH#2 wasn't a wish, HRH#1 was a blond brown eyed baby. I still had a father. I was a newlywed. I was heavier. I was driving my little gold chevy cavalier. I was an administrator for a book company. I was an EMT's wife. I was a fire fighter's ex (yea before it was cool). I was friends alot of emergency service people. At 8:46 I, like the rest of the country, realized at that moment that I and we were also Americans. A privilege that was taken for granted until that day.
That is one of the defining moments of history in the country and the world. Everyone who had breath in their bodies knew where they were at that moment when the greatest city on earth was tagged for destruction. When the two pillars that represented the iconic skyline of a city that was a celebrated melting pot was attacked by a group of people who turned our own planes against us. No secret it was a United plane and American Airlines. United American. Take that terrorists. United American. The steam roll of hell came through the Northeast like a freight train. Washington DC, NYC, and the heroic every day people of Flight 93 in Pennsylvania. Ordinary people that were going to take their and our plane back or die trying...and they did.
We all saw the images on the television. We all wanted it to just stop. We all in some way screamed like our words would get through. We all watched over and over as the towers fell. Everytime they fell a part of us and the quilt of society died some. We all read of the heroics of the firemen that kept going up and up while everyone else went down. We all read of the jumpers, the phone calls, the heroics of everyday people whose only fault was going to work on that fateful day. Going to work so their daughter can be in dance class or their son can play fall baseball, to pay the mortgage or the car or the vacation. We've all heard the stories of the near misses and should've been there's. These stories are the fabric of the day. They are what make up the colors and feelings of that horrible day when we all realized We are American.
I am blessed and thankful that I did not lose anyone on that fateful day. I watched my ex-husband leave, I watched my now fiance leave and I watched countless friends leave. Leave to do their job and their calling. I sat on the banks of the Hudson at the Liberty Park and stared into the pit of hell. I cried I yelled knowing they couldn't hear me. Knowing he couldn't hear me. I willed my friends, the father of my child and my love to come home. I cried. We all cried. We all collected supplies, gave blood, sat in a group and said no words. We prayed whether we believed in God, Allah (yea I said it...read the Koran and you will see what a peace loving sentinel the book is) or believed in nothing, we still prayed. We prayed to survive. We prayed for the will to go on as a broken community and country. We prayed for the broken families and lives. We prayed. We hugged our babies and loved on our families.
The man I married and the man I am about to marry do not discuss what they saw that day. That is the cross they bear. I can't tell their story and I don't want to. I can only tell mine. I can see the sadness in the blue eyes I love every time those towers fall. I can see when he has to walk away to not visualize what they show every year but the problem is that movie runs in his mind with every mention. I want to know. I want to see what he saw but I will never ask. I know what I saw while sitting on the banks of the river on a chilly night in early September.
God bless the souls of those who went to work and didn't come home & the passengers on those ill fated flights. Don't let them be forgotten for being the heroes of their families and a representation of the American Dream. Somewhere out there is a family that's missing Mom, Dad, Uncle, Aunt, Brother, Sister, Husband or Wife. Pray for the moms and dads whose children were lost. They were and are someone's baby.
God Bless those families of the lost that were left behind. Know the country mourns with you not just on 9/11 but every day. These words and thoughts won't take away the pain and I know that but know that you're thought of. Thank you for the sacrifice you didn't mean to make.
God bless the hailed heroes of FDNY, PAPD, NYPD and all of those that went over that day. No matter where life took them afterwards. Brothers and Sisters in Emergency Services past and present will never forget that you were just "doing your job."
God Bless the lost 343/37/23...You are why life goes on for so many. To all of you a Thank You from a humble former EMT Jersey Girl.
To the terrorists...It didn't work. You may have gotten our towers and some of our souls but you also have a fight on your hands like nobody's business. Remember those planes? Yea...United American...We don't forget and will never forget. Through your callous, cowardly and atrocious act you brought us a unified existence where our country helped neighbors, mourned for the lost and strengthened our temper together and you are and will always be our target. We got your guy...Let's call him shark bait...You couldn't even face us yourselves. You used our planes. The best message we have for you is that our life has gone on and we may be bruised and battered but you didn't win. I am not afraid to go to my New York City and you will NEVER make it that way for me. In fact, I will be there tomorrow. The only reason I don't like flying is the take off and landing but you guys don't scare me. This is the greatest nation in the world and your acts of 10 years ago didn't change that. Oh and by the way, you just got told off by an American girl...oh and one more thing We are One Nation Under God and may God Bless America...
http://www.themomblogs.com/
That is one of the defining moments of history in the country and the world. Everyone who had breath in their bodies knew where they were at that moment when the greatest city on earth was tagged for destruction. When the two pillars that represented the iconic skyline of a city that was a celebrated melting pot was attacked by a group of people who turned our own planes against us. No secret it was a United plane and American Airlines. United American. Take that terrorists. United American. The steam roll of hell came through the Northeast like a freight train. Washington DC, NYC, and the heroic every day people of Flight 93 in Pennsylvania. Ordinary people that were going to take their and our plane back or die trying...and they did.
We all saw the images on the television. We all wanted it to just stop. We all in some way screamed like our words would get through. We all watched over and over as the towers fell. Everytime they fell a part of us and the quilt of society died some. We all read of the heroics of the firemen that kept going up and up while everyone else went down. We all read of the jumpers, the phone calls, the heroics of everyday people whose only fault was going to work on that fateful day. Going to work so their daughter can be in dance class or their son can play fall baseball, to pay the mortgage or the car or the vacation. We've all heard the stories of the near misses and should've been there's. These stories are the fabric of the day. They are what make up the colors and feelings of that horrible day when we all realized We are American.
I am blessed and thankful that I did not lose anyone on that fateful day. I watched my ex-husband leave, I watched my now fiance leave and I watched countless friends leave. Leave to do their job and their calling. I sat on the banks of the Hudson at the Liberty Park and stared into the pit of hell. I cried I yelled knowing they couldn't hear me. Knowing he couldn't hear me. I willed my friends, the father of my child and my love to come home. I cried. We all cried. We all collected supplies, gave blood, sat in a group and said no words. We prayed whether we believed in God, Allah (yea I said it...read the Koran and you will see what a peace loving sentinel the book is) or believed in nothing, we still prayed. We prayed to survive. We prayed for the will to go on as a broken community and country. We prayed for the broken families and lives. We prayed. We hugged our babies and loved on our families.
The man I married and the man I am about to marry do not discuss what they saw that day. That is the cross they bear. I can't tell their story and I don't want to. I can only tell mine. I can see the sadness in the blue eyes I love every time those towers fall. I can see when he has to walk away to not visualize what they show every year but the problem is that movie runs in his mind with every mention. I want to know. I want to see what he saw but I will never ask. I know what I saw while sitting on the banks of the river on a chilly night in early September.
God bless the souls of those who went to work and didn't come home & the passengers on those ill fated flights. Don't let them be forgotten for being the heroes of their families and a representation of the American Dream. Somewhere out there is a family that's missing Mom, Dad, Uncle, Aunt, Brother, Sister, Husband or Wife. Pray for the moms and dads whose children were lost. They were and are someone's baby.
God Bless those families of the lost that were left behind. Know the country mourns with you not just on 9/11 but every day. These words and thoughts won't take away the pain and I know that but know that you're thought of. Thank you for the sacrifice you didn't mean to make.
God bless the hailed heroes of FDNY, PAPD, NYPD and all of those that went over that day. No matter where life took them afterwards. Brothers and Sisters in Emergency Services past and present will never forget that you were just "doing your job."
God Bless the lost 343/37/23...You are why life goes on for so many. To all of you a Thank You from a humble former EMT Jersey Girl.
To the terrorists...It didn't work. You may have gotten our towers and some of our souls but you also have a fight on your hands like nobody's business. Remember those planes? Yea...United American...We don't forget and will never forget. Through your callous, cowardly and atrocious act you brought us a unified existence where our country helped neighbors, mourned for the lost and strengthened our temper together and you are and will always be our target. We got your guy...Let's call him shark bait...You couldn't even face us yourselves. You used our planes. The best message we have for you is that our life has gone on and we may be bruised and battered but you didn't win. I am not afraid to go to my New York City and you will NEVER make it that way for me. In fact, I will be there tomorrow. The only reason I don't like flying is the take off and landing but you guys don't scare me. This is the greatest nation in the world and your acts of 10 years ago didn't change that. Oh and by the way, you just got told off by an American girl...oh and one more thing We are One Nation Under God and may God Bless America...
http://www.themomblogs.com/
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Charity, Floods, Rain and the power of a Barbie
Yes I make the title work...Trust me...
VENT: I need to stop getting married in hurricane season...
PSA: Read all the way through today peeps. There's some public service at the end and you all know how I loves me some charity.
BLOG: After another 2 hour car ride I am safely entrenched in Basking Ridge...Lord knows how long it will take to get home but I will cross that bridge (if it isn't closed by a crested river) when I get to it. As much as it aggravates me to no end to sit in a car for that long it's not as bad as being evacuated, watching the water rise, etc. etc. I can't complain. I will but really I can't.
I am not going to discuss organization, ADD, my kids, my wedding or blah blah blah...Today is all about the charity. Why it's important, why it's necessary and how it can and will make you a better person. I don't do this for the photo ops, for fun, or anything. I do the things I do to make someone else and myself feel better. To teach my kids how important it is because I was raised on both sides of that spectrum. I was one of the kids that Santa had to visit early at Christmas. I got a Barbie doll. I still have that doll that a stranger gave me dressed as Santa Claus and you know what? He was Santa and I am eternally grateful to him though I will never know him as anything but Santa. I've spoken of my beloved grandfather in past blogs and it is him and that man and, ironically enough, my mother that taught me the charitable spirit. As a child, my mother baked cookies (and if you're part of the inner sanctum sanctorum or the fire department you get some if not you're beat) religiously every Christmas. I mean LOTS and LOTS of cookies involving 2 weeks off of work and baking sun up to sun down. She gave them away. Never accepted a dime for them. We lived paycheck to paycheck and she gave the cookies away. She took people in that had nowhere to go. She gave her time if she had nothing else to give and still does. Time is more precious than money. If she hears of someone that needs help she will move heaven and earth to help and I am thrilled I got that from her.
My grandfather did the East Brunswick Lions Gift Drive yearly. Stay tuned cause I will be blogging the holy hell out of this event...Consider this the first of the bunch...My exhusband inherited it and now it's mine. These families are given to me and I screen them and talk to them and every little girl that asks for a barbie doll gets one cause I was that little girl and the only thing I want and would love to see is that little girl grow up and pay it forward. If that's the only smile she gets this year the so be it but dammit she will smile. I don't believe for a second that a "poor kid" shouldn't be allowed to ask for what the other kids ask for. A kid is a kid and wants what every kid wants and if the EBLC, myself, my family and my friends can help we will. I will never be the star my grandfather was but I will keep his memory alive in this way for as long as I can.
With the recent floods there are lots and lots of our neighbors and friends throughout the state that need help...Reach out where you can and do what you have to. Consider it the start to your holiday season. It will make you and them better people and in this age of technology there is no reason we all can't help (unless you're totally heartless which is your sin...not mine). Below are a list of Central Jersey Resources that you can use for help or to give help. Would it kill you to buy a notebok for a kid that lost school supplies, or a pair of jeans or a onesie...I think not. And yes I did these things and still do them...
Monroe Township/Jamesburg/Helmetta suffered ridiculously with Hurricane Irene. These are neighbors and friends and children that need our help. There are tons of ways on the site for you to do something like cooking a meal for a family, getting some school supplies. sitting and talking over coffee, clean up efforts, buy some school lunches for a kid...just do something...Here's how to help.
http://www.leaguelineup.com/welcome.asp?url=iwanttohelpmonroe
St. Peter's Church (that gorgeous little white one with the cemetery on DeVoe & Main) suffered great damage and is in need of supplies for Sunday School for the children, I spoke with Fr. Shelly and his charm and positivity are contagious. As you can see from the website, they lost the classrooms, hall and need restoration work done on top of other issues. This is an organization that gives back to the community spiritually and literally. Give back to them. Buy a box of pencils, some stickers, some teacher supplies...something. I saw the water coming into the cemetery and it took all I had to not cry. Again, these are your neighbors...Oh and BTW the insurance is NOT covering what happened so help out...
http://stpetersspotswood.org/
For everyone on Facebook...got to Hurricane Irene New Jersey Outreach Page for other ways to help your neighbors. Time is valuable, a box of pencils at Wal Mart is 74 cents...do something...
Be the person that gives the Barbie doll...
VENT: I need to stop getting married in hurricane season...
PSA: Read all the way through today peeps. There's some public service at the end and you all know how I loves me some charity.
BLOG: After another 2 hour car ride I am safely entrenched in Basking Ridge...Lord knows how long it will take to get home but I will cross that bridge (if it isn't closed by a crested river) when I get to it. As much as it aggravates me to no end to sit in a car for that long it's not as bad as being evacuated, watching the water rise, etc. etc. I can't complain. I will but really I can't.
I am not going to discuss organization, ADD, my kids, my wedding or blah blah blah...Today is all about the charity. Why it's important, why it's necessary and how it can and will make you a better person. I don't do this for the photo ops, for fun, or anything. I do the things I do to make someone else and myself feel better. To teach my kids how important it is because I was raised on both sides of that spectrum. I was one of the kids that Santa had to visit early at Christmas. I got a Barbie doll. I still have that doll that a stranger gave me dressed as Santa Claus and you know what? He was Santa and I am eternally grateful to him though I will never know him as anything but Santa. I've spoken of my beloved grandfather in past blogs and it is him and that man and, ironically enough, my mother that taught me the charitable spirit. As a child, my mother baked cookies (and if you're part of the inner sanctum sanctorum or the fire department you get some if not you're beat) religiously every Christmas. I mean LOTS and LOTS of cookies involving 2 weeks off of work and baking sun up to sun down. She gave them away. Never accepted a dime for them. We lived paycheck to paycheck and she gave the cookies away. She took people in that had nowhere to go. She gave her time if she had nothing else to give and still does. Time is more precious than money. If she hears of someone that needs help she will move heaven and earth to help and I am thrilled I got that from her.
My grandfather did the East Brunswick Lions Gift Drive yearly. Stay tuned cause I will be blogging the holy hell out of this event...Consider this the first of the bunch...My exhusband inherited it and now it's mine. These families are given to me and I screen them and talk to them and every little girl that asks for a barbie doll gets one cause I was that little girl and the only thing I want and would love to see is that little girl grow up and pay it forward. If that's the only smile she gets this year the so be it but dammit she will smile. I don't believe for a second that a "poor kid" shouldn't be allowed to ask for what the other kids ask for. A kid is a kid and wants what every kid wants and if the EBLC, myself, my family and my friends can help we will. I will never be the star my grandfather was but I will keep his memory alive in this way for as long as I can.
With the recent floods there are lots and lots of our neighbors and friends throughout the state that need help...Reach out where you can and do what you have to. Consider it the start to your holiday season. It will make you and them better people and in this age of technology there is no reason we all can't help (unless you're totally heartless which is your sin...not mine). Below are a list of Central Jersey Resources that you can use for help or to give help. Would it kill you to buy a notebok for a kid that lost school supplies, or a pair of jeans or a onesie...I think not. And yes I did these things and still do them...
Monroe Township/Jamesburg/Helmetta suffered ridiculously with Hurricane Irene. These are neighbors and friends and children that need our help. There are tons of ways on the site for you to do something like cooking a meal for a family, getting some school supplies. sitting and talking over coffee, clean up efforts, buy some school lunches for a kid...just do something...Here's how to help.
http://www.leaguelineup.com/welcome.asp?url=iwanttohelpmonroe
St. Peter's Church (that gorgeous little white one with the cemetery on DeVoe & Main) suffered great damage and is in need of supplies for Sunday School for the children, I spoke with Fr. Shelly and his charm and positivity are contagious. As you can see from the website, they lost the classrooms, hall and need restoration work done on top of other issues. This is an organization that gives back to the community spiritually and literally. Give back to them. Buy a box of pencils, some stickers, some teacher supplies...something. I saw the water coming into the cemetery and it took all I had to not cry. Again, these are your neighbors...Oh and BTW the insurance is NOT covering what happened so help out...
http://stpetersspotswood.org/
For everyone on Facebook...got to Hurricane Irene New Jersey Outreach Page for other ways to help your neighbors. Time is valuable, a box of pencils at Wal Mart is 74 cents...do something...
Be the person that gives the Barbie doll...
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
September Morn...well afternoon
Now that Godforsaken Neil Diamond song is in my head...arrrggghhhh
So happy happy September to all! What a month that's coming.
September is . . . . Self Improvement Month, Be Kind To Editors and Writers Month, International Square Dance Month, Cable TV Month, National Bed Check Month, National Chicken Month, National Courtesy Month, National Honey Month, National Mind Mapping Month, National Piano Month, National Rice Month, National Papaya Month, and Classical Music Month
Didya get all that? (credit to http://library.thinkquest.org/2886/sep.htm) So...Self Improvement Month...yep. Umm I tried that last month and that was probably why it didn't work.
What a world lately...My babies started school. So did everyone else's kids too. We had a hurricane. We are gearing up for another hurricane. It's the 10 year Anniversary of 9/11 (stay tuned there WILL be a blog about that...). I am getting hitched. So yea alot is happening. Still looking for that neat little way to sort it and box it and organize it. How do you box away a Summer and take out for the Fall when it was never done before? New season, new month, new time. That's my goal. My goal is to get rid of the summer carelessness and get my Fall and wedding, charity and holidays done.
First major accomplishement!! I organized all of both princes stuff for school to present to their father in a neat little bag. I was very proud of myself. My list is still here and some of it is getting checked off. Piece by piece it's getting done. I still don't have a handle on this but I have an accomplishment in trying. I will not lie and say the Junior High Back to School Night was easy for me because in my mind I am thinking there is no way in hell my child will be able to keep up with this pace of organization. There are 3 (count em 3) different places for him to have a book, he needs folders for every class, his homework may or may not be checked daily. This is all something that I am trying to get a handle on to better show him. If I keep my bag organized maybe he will too. If I clean up the house maybe he will keep his space neat. If I use my datebook religiously maybe he will do the same with his homework agenda. I have to have to lead by example or I will be the one that sets him up for failure. I have to dictate a stick to a routine. I have to do this but I have to come up with a plan that works for me and for him. This is one of the "Self Improvement Month" goals.
Second major accomplishment!!! I am getting the wedding stuff done and planning ahead and holding myself accountable for my dates and what happens. I know exactly what I want and I am not budging. I am getting it done when I say I will and it's being done the way I want it. I have the best help in the family and friends that love and support me. I don't want or need a Platinum Wedding...I just need my wedding (to him)...
I am watching my entire llife change in a matter of weeks and I recently got the best advice about positivity. It is true that what I put out will come back to me. I need to put out positive. I need to get it done. In no way am I claiming that life is perfect cause it isn't but I am going to get what I take out of it and if it means leaving something that I used to be behind then so be it. I've done more in the last month that I haven't done in years. I auditioned for a show, I had dinner with a friend, I had lunch with another, I did my job, I've grown by leaps and bounds as a mother, I've travelled, I've planned, I read a book, I volunteered, I'm a class Mom for the best Kindergartner EVAR, I came out of the "blog closet" and told my family I've been writing, I've celebrated with friends and family. Some days are worse than others and I need to jump on the upswing and take it. I get excited about things. I'm in love with a less than perfect person and that's fine cause he's my perfect. I have to learn to plan appropriately and take it as it comes which is a lesson that all of us have to learn at one point or the next.
So yea September is "Self Improvement Month"....
So happy happy September to all! What a month that's coming.
September is . . . . Self Improvement Month, Be Kind To Editors and Writers Month, International Square Dance Month, Cable TV Month, National Bed Check Month, National Chicken Month, National Courtesy Month, National Honey Month, National Mind Mapping Month, National Piano Month, National Rice Month, National Papaya Month, and Classical Music Month
Didya get all that? (credit to http://library.thinkquest.org/2886/sep.htm) So...Self Improvement Month...yep. Umm I tried that last month and that was probably why it didn't work.
What a world lately...My babies started school. So did everyone else's kids too. We had a hurricane. We are gearing up for another hurricane. It's the 10 year Anniversary of 9/11 (stay tuned there WILL be a blog about that...). I am getting hitched. So yea alot is happening. Still looking for that neat little way to sort it and box it and organize it. How do you box away a Summer and take out for the Fall when it was never done before? New season, new month, new time. That's my goal. My goal is to get rid of the summer carelessness and get my Fall and wedding, charity and holidays done.
First major accomplishement!! I organized all of both princes stuff for school to present to their father in a neat little bag. I was very proud of myself. My list is still here and some of it is getting checked off. Piece by piece it's getting done. I still don't have a handle on this but I have an accomplishment in trying. I will not lie and say the Junior High Back to School Night was easy for me because in my mind I am thinking there is no way in hell my child will be able to keep up with this pace of organization. There are 3 (count em 3) different places for him to have a book, he needs folders for every class, his homework may or may not be checked daily. This is all something that I am trying to get a handle on to better show him. If I keep my bag organized maybe he will too. If I clean up the house maybe he will keep his space neat. If I use my datebook religiously maybe he will do the same with his homework agenda. I have to have to lead by example or I will be the one that sets him up for failure. I have to dictate a stick to a routine. I have to do this but I have to come up with a plan that works for me and for him. This is one of the "Self Improvement Month" goals.
Second major accomplishment!!! I am getting the wedding stuff done and planning ahead and holding myself accountable for my dates and what happens. I know exactly what I want and I am not budging. I am getting it done when I say I will and it's being done the way I want it. I have the best help in the family and friends that love and support me. I don't want or need a Platinum Wedding...I just need my wedding (to him)...
I am watching my entire llife change in a matter of weeks and I recently got the best advice about positivity. It is true that what I put out will come back to me. I need to put out positive. I need to get it done. In no way am I claiming that life is perfect cause it isn't but I am going to get what I take out of it and if it means leaving something that I used to be behind then so be it. I've done more in the last month that I haven't done in years. I auditioned for a show, I had dinner with a friend, I had lunch with another, I did my job, I've grown by leaps and bounds as a mother, I've travelled, I've planned, I read a book, I volunteered, I'm a class Mom for the best Kindergartner EVAR, I came out of the "blog closet" and told my family I've been writing, I've celebrated with friends and family. Some days are worse than others and I need to jump on the upswing and take it. I get excited about things. I'm in love with a less than perfect person and that's fine cause he's my perfect. I have to learn to plan appropriately and take it as it comes which is a lesson that all of us have to learn at one point or the next.
So yea September is "Self Improvement Month"....
Friday, August 19, 2011
Tolerance
I was walking to lunch in my building and since I don't know anyone here I get to spend alot of time in my own head...sometimes its fun and sometimes its not. I got to thinking about a blog I had just read from someone who met a small autistic child in an elevator that got stuck and she was able to connect with this boy and let mom vent for a bit. It resonated with me on a few levels...
A few weeks ago His Highness took me to dinner down the shore for my birthday. Great restaurant, great wine, seabreeze...this was a dream date for me. The next table over was a boy, probably about 7 or 8, in a high chair. He was vebalizing and signing and interacting and had the most haunting gorgeous blue eyes I had ever seen (short of my Landon Love). He was gorgeous and blissfully oblivious to the everything going on around him. When it came time for the family to leave they had some difficulty getting him out of the chair without hurting him. A few things got dropped, some silver, a plate etc. I went over to pick up some of the said items and give them a hand as everyone else stared and commented and such and mom was mildly frazzled and he smiled at me. It was like God Himself came down. He was radiant. His mother apologetically looked at me and said "he is autistic" and I said okay cause truthfully that did nothing to sway my opinion of how beautiful this child is. I signed to him in my very rudimentary way of doing so and with what limited knowledge I have and he signed back and we had the semblance of a conversation. They left and the comments subsided with some serious side eye and a comment back about the child being better behaved than their disgusting dog. Not my finest moment but kinda don't care.
It made me think though...why did this woman feel the need to apologize to me for her son's autism. I don't get it. She doesn't owe me anything. Then I realized I do it too with Darling Prince 1. I apologize when he is hyper, I do what I can to stop it (sometimes even leaving). Why do I do that and why do I care about everyone else's perception and feel the need to apologize for a child that I have no regrets for? I will apologize if the does something or hurts someone (which gratefully has never happened). How does that make him feel? Granted he is not on the spectrum but has ADHD and puberty which can and is a pretty lethal mood mix. The massive amount of respect I have for these parents I'm sure means nothing to them because they (like I) are doing the best they can for a child they would lay down their life for. Yea I get my son is hyper...Yea I get he can get annoying at times...but if I say something to him or do the little "knock it off" signal we have going on I don't need the point being reiterated by everyone else. Whether it be family or not I am a one woman show when it comes down to my sons and they use their pleases and thank yous and are respectful and good kids but have their moments...just like some adults I know. Don't start playing rough with him when you know he has no concept of when it ends and expect him to just stop. Doesn't work that way and no I'm not going to cater to you and reprimand him for something he didn't start. Granted, if he did I will end quickly and do something but no, not if he didn't start it.
I don't get the need to give an apology for something that can't be helped. Maybe I am terrible naive in my thinking but that's why it's MY thinking. The biggest bain of existence in my opinion is intolerance. I know I've talked about it before but it is something I am passionate about. Why do people with "perfect" lives and "perfect" children feel the need to think that those of us that have "less than perfect" (that's crap they are all perfect) kids have to cater to them? As I said a few days ago...I am very angry at ADD for the havoc it has reeked upon my life but that doesn't make my son any less "perfect". He is creative and wonderful and will continually root for the underdog. He just wants to make people happy. His smile can light up a room. He is so smart and funny and sees colors and feels music and to me that is a full and rich life. Yes he has his limitations. He is emotional, he has fits of rage, he can't sit still and must hear his name a million times daily. He gets frustrated with himself. He hates those three stupid letters as much as I do if not more. It has cost him friends and understanding. His social skills lack and I try like hell to teach him but how can I when sometimes I don't know any better? I don't let him use this a crutch as I wasn't allowed to either. He does try so hard and I see it in his eyes. I see the hurt and the "why me" moments. Yes, I let him have them sometimes cause he has to but I tell him that it will get better and we learn together.
Why is it people fear what they don't understand? I don't get it. I nor my son asked to have this. I didn't ask to be born white as much as anyone asked to be born black or spanish or asian or german or hungarian or whatever. Why can't acceptance be as correct as ignorance?
A few weeks ago His Highness took me to dinner down the shore for my birthday. Great restaurant, great wine, seabreeze...this was a dream date for me. The next table over was a boy, probably about 7 or 8, in a high chair. He was vebalizing and signing and interacting and had the most haunting gorgeous blue eyes I had ever seen (short of my Landon Love). He was gorgeous and blissfully oblivious to the everything going on around him. When it came time for the family to leave they had some difficulty getting him out of the chair without hurting him. A few things got dropped, some silver, a plate etc. I went over to pick up some of the said items and give them a hand as everyone else stared and commented and such and mom was mildly frazzled and he smiled at me. It was like God Himself came down. He was radiant. His mother apologetically looked at me and said "he is autistic" and I said okay cause truthfully that did nothing to sway my opinion of how beautiful this child is. I signed to him in my very rudimentary way of doing so and with what limited knowledge I have and he signed back and we had the semblance of a conversation. They left and the comments subsided with some serious side eye and a comment back about the child being better behaved than their disgusting dog. Not my finest moment but kinda don't care.
It made me think though...why did this woman feel the need to apologize to me for her son's autism. I don't get it. She doesn't owe me anything. Then I realized I do it too with Darling Prince 1. I apologize when he is hyper, I do what I can to stop it (sometimes even leaving). Why do I do that and why do I care about everyone else's perception and feel the need to apologize for a child that I have no regrets for? I will apologize if the does something or hurts someone (which gratefully has never happened). How does that make him feel? Granted he is not on the spectrum but has ADHD and puberty which can and is a pretty lethal mood mix. The massive amount of respect I have for these parents I'm sure means nothing to them because they (like I) are doing the best they can for a child they would lay down their life for. Yea I get my son is hyper...Yea I get he can get annoying at times...but if I say something to him or do the little "knock it off" signal we have going on I don't need the point being reiterated by everyone else. Whether it be family or not I am a one woman show when it comes down to my sons and they use their pleases and thank yous and are respectful and good kids but have their moments...just like some adults I know. Don't start playing rough with him when you know he has no concept of when it ends and expect him to just stop. Doesn't work that way and no I'm not going to cater to you and reprimand him for something he didn't start. Granted, if he did I will end quickly and do something but no, not if he didn't start it.
I don't get the need to give an apology for something that can't be helped. Maybe I am terrible naive in my thinking but that's why it's MY thinking. The biggest bain of existence in my opinion is intolerance. I know I've talked about it before but it is something I am passionate about. Why do people with "perfect" lives and "perfect" children feel the need to think that those of us that have "less than perfect" (that's crap they are all perfect) kids have to cater to them? As I said a few days ago...I am very angry at ADD for the havoc it has reeked upon my life but that doesn't make my son any less "perfect". He is creative and wonderful and will continually root for the underdog. He just wants to make people happy. His smile can light up a room. He is so smart and funny and sees colors and feels music and to me that is a full and rich life. Yes he has his limitations. He is emotional, he has fits of rage, he can't sit still and must hear his name a million times daily. He gets frustrated with himself. He hates those three stupid letters as much as I do if not more. It has cost him friends and understanding. His social skills lack and I try like hell to teach him but how can I when sometimes I don't know any better? I don't let him use this a crutch as I wasn't allowed to either. He does try so hard and I see it in his eyes. I see the hurt and the "why me" moments. Yes, I let him have them sometimes cause he has to but I tell him that it will get better and we learn together.
Why is it people fear what they don't understand? I don't get it. I nor my son asked to have this. I didn't ask to be born white as much as anyone asked to be born black or spanish or asian or german or hungarian or whatever. Why can't acceptance be as correct as ignorance?
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Trying to Connect the Pieces
Oh look...I'm useless at work again today. Gratefully, they let me do this.
Feeling crazy defeated today. I miss my boys like mad and the problem with boredom here is that it makes my mind wander. It generally wanders into some sort of horror movie-esque dark alley that has every possible bad thing you can imagine.
So during my less than productive boredom I sit here trying to find ways to better myself. I research schools and daydream about going back. I look up calendars and tips and hoping that maybe I can find that magical site that will just <snap> fix my life. Newsflash...I didn't find it. So today in my disgusting amount of free time, I am looking up fellow Mommy bloggers to follow. It's actually kinda fun to see how I'm not totally alone in some of my feelings. I want to ask them how they get followers, how they get their words out there. I originally started this little sojourn into blogging because I felt it would be fun and a release but now I realize I kinda want to be heard. Maybe another mom out there does feel the way I do. This is something I will continue to explore.
So coming off of yesterday's rant I've decided that today I am going to spend the afternoon cleaning my desk and at least getting my work life in order. After work, I am going to get something done at home..not perfect but something. I mean done. Start to finish. No shortcuts. I need to capitalize on when the boys are with their dad and not sit and simmer and miss them the way I do. I have to start small. If I plan too too big it won't happen. I need to do this for them. We have 2 weeks until school starts and I need to know that I did whatever I could to make this a successful year for them. I have to choose to take the upswing and make it stay there.
The problem with the ADD mom struggle is I write lists. I am an avid list writer. I don't finish them I just write them. So the best of intentions are there. What makes me the maddest of all is when I finally do the things I set out to and find that a) it was painless b) it's too late to fix it now or c) it took 3 minutes. Sad right? It's very easy for anyone to say just get it done the problem is I sabotage the hell out of myself and just don't do it. I don't know why. So my goal for the next few days is make a list and do it. Get it done. I am giving myself till Sunday to get my list done. I have to not get ahead of myself here and take each day as it comes and for those of you that read yesterday...Yea I'm still angry. I have this delusion of grandeur that I am going to get all of the tools I need and religiously and methodically write and plan and take notes on my schedule and daily life. I have to make this delusion a reality. An unorganized mom is pretty bad but an ADD unorganized mom of an ADD kid is worse. Unfortunately, I'm pretty beat cause I'm fairly unorganized. I need my smartphone back. I was super powerful and all knowing with my smartphone...yea well in my disorganization I dropped it and it broke...of course I didn't have insurance that would be too much like thinking ahead...see what I mean...
Stay tuned for tomorrow to see what I do with my magic list...
Feeling crazy defeated today. I miss my boys like mad and the problem with boredom here is that it makes my mind wander. It generally wanders into some sort of horror movie-esque dark alley that has every possible bad thing you can imagine.
So during my less than productive boredom I sit here trying to find ways to better myself. I research schools and daydream about going back. I look up calendars and tips and hoping that maybe I can find that magical site that will just <snap> fix my life. Newsflash...I didn't find it. So today in my disgusting amount of free time, I am looking up fellow Mommy bloggers to follow. It's actually kinda fun to see how I'm not totally alone in some of my feelings. I want to ask them how they get followers, how they get their words out there. I originally started this little sojourn into blogging because I felt it would be fun and a release but now I realize I kinda want to be heard. Maybe another mom out there does feel the way I do. This is something I will continue to explore.
So coming off of yesterday's rant I've decided that today I am going to spend the afternoon cleaning my desk and at least getting my work life in order. After work, I am going to get something done at home..not perfect but something. I mean done. Start to finish. No shortcuts. I need to capitalize on when the boys are with their dad and not sit and simmer and miss them the way I do. I have to start small. If I plan too too big it won't happen. I need to do this for them. We have 2 weeks until school starts and I need to know that I did whatever I could to make this a successful year for them. I have to choose to take the upswing and make it stay there.
The problem with the ADD mom struggle is I write lists. I am an avid list writer. I don't finish them I just write them. So the best of intentions are there. What makes me the maddest of all is when I finally do the things I set out to and find that a) it was painless b) it's too late to fix it now or c) it took 3 minutes. Sad right? It's very easy for anyone to say just get it done the problem is I sabotage the hell out of myself and just don't do it. I don't know why. So my goal for the next few days is make a list and do it. Get it done. I am giving myself till Sunday to get my list done. I have to not get ahead of myself here and take each day as it comes and for those of you that read yesterday...Yea I'm still angry. I have this delusion of grandeur that I am going to get all of the tools I need and religiously and methodically write and plan and take notes on my schedule and daily life. I have to make this delusion a reality. An unorganized mom is pretty bad but an ADD unorganized mom of an ADD kid is worse. Unfortunately, I'm pretty beat cause I'm fairly unorganized. I need my smartphone back. I was super powerful and all knowing with my smartphone...yea well in my disorganization I dropped it and it broke...of course I didn't have insurance that would be too much like thinking ahead...see what I mean...
Stay tuned for tomorrow to see what I do with my magic list...
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Ok I suck at this sometimes...
So after my unintentional summer hiatus I am doing it again.
So on my mind today...I think I want to discuss prioritizing as a working mom and how to remain yourself in crazy times like this. Not saying I know how to and I am certainly open to opinion. How to rebuild your life 101? How to relearn all you knew? Lotsa different titles. How to be an adult with another scatterbrained adult who means well? I don't know but let's see...
After recently jumping back into the workforce with an hour commute (yea not happy and looking for closer employment) I now have to depend on everyone else to help and I HATE that. When I come home life is a flurry of movement, a sloppy and disorganized tango of childen, bills, dishes, laundry, dinner, dog and everything. This is a disaster for an Adult ADDer. I am trying to find a way to get organized and I desperately want to but how can I when my head is the 12 different directions? I need to start saying no and just doing what I have to. "Normal" people don't see the work/life juggle as this much of a struggle. For me and those like me it's like a chorus of really bad loud jingle bells. So the cycle goes like this...I get overwhelmed, I snap at people and things, I get sad, I give up. I don't want it that way because I have to learn to deal but if I truly don't know how then what do I do. My "right" mind knows I have to schedule myself and open bills and straighten up but then there's the other procrastinating side that just doesn't care. I need to kill that side but again...how?
At 33 years old with 2 sons and a soon to be husband it's super difficult to admit that you need help. Pride, feeling stupid, not measuring up all get in the way so here I am very publically asking for help. I am trying to set an exmaple for my son on how to live with this but I cant when I don't even know. I've tried groups, I've tried classes, I've tried articles. So does anyone out there in Interwebz land have a clue on how to do this?
Right now, because of this, I am angry...I am angry at my ADD and depression. I am angry that I allowed myself to be consumed with this. I am angry because I allowed this to take time away from my sons and not give them everything they need. I am angry because I am letting this ruin my life. I am angry because the only person I have to blame for my failures is myself. I am angry because I can't set a good example for my son who also has this on how to live and deal and be a success. I am angry because it has prevented me from holding a job and doing what I love. I am angry enough to fight to get my life back but...how?
There are so many things I want to be that I am jealous of others having. I want to be te best mom I can, I want to get organized, I want to be able to lunch with friends, I want to go food shopping and run errands, I want to wake up on Saturday morning and have coffee and do chores, I want to have the job I want desperately (can almost taste it), I want to be responsible with my time and not just dream of these things, I want to be able to really handle life and not just fake it, I want to do all the "perfect" things in my head like eat better, go for walks, balance my checkbook, etc, I want to be able to make sound decisions that aren't stupid or self destructive and most of all I want to teach my son these things so he can function and know this his mom "has his back". I know I can be better but again, it boils down to how?
I found that Flylady was an excellent resource and I've read her articles and suggestions but the problem is that just getting started is a struggle. I have tried and tried and would do amazing for a few days then that little voice comes back and tells me to just stop and I stupidly listen to it. I want to form habits and have this neat little boxed up life but when everything is scattered it's almost impossible to find the matching pieces and make my neat little box. I will find that I can't do something and just give up. My first order of business is removing the word "can't". I am physicially able to do so I just choose to let my head get in the way. I am admitting that I am the problem. I have to get past the "can't" hurdle. Again I'm asking for help from the Interwebz land.
I have to remove the crap that brings me down. I have to learn to say no to everyone when they are trying to suck me dry and lots of them do. I have to stop giving a royal rat's ass about what's not important. I have to be what some already see me as. The problem is the line between reality and that persona is badly skewed. I just want to be better for them. I don't care if I am better for me. I just want to be better for those 2 little boys that call me Mom and bet the hell out of this stupid thing called ADD.
So on my mind today...I think I want to discuss prioritizing as a working mom and how to remain yourself in crazy times like this. Not saying I know how to and I am certainly open to opinion. How to rebuild your life 101? How to relearn all you knew? Lotsa different titles. How to be an adult with another scatterbrained adult who means well? I don't know but let's see...
After recently jumping back into the workforce with an hour commute (yea not happy and looking for closer employment) I now have to depend on everyone else to help and I HATE that. When I come home life is a flurry of movement, a sloppy and disorganized tango of childen, bills, dishes, laundry, dinner, dog and everything. This is a disaster for an Adult ADDer. I am trying to find a way to get organized and I desperately want to but how can I when my head is the 12 different directions? I need to start saying no and just doing what I have to. "Normal" people don't see the work/life juggle as this much of a struggle. For me and those like me it's like a chorus of really bad loud jingle bells. So the cycle goes like this...I get overwhelmed, I snap at people and things, I get sad, I give up. I don't want it that way because I have to learn to deal but if I truly don't know how then what do I do. My "right" mind knows I have to schedule myself and open bills and straighten up but then there's the other procrastinating side that just doesn't care. I need to kill that side but again...how?
At 33 years old with 2 sons and a soon to be husband it's super difficult to admit that you need help. Pride, feeling stupid, not measuring up all get in the way so here I am very publically asking for help. I am trying to set an exmaple for my son on how to live with this but I cant when I don't even know. I've tried groups, I've tried classes, I've tried articles. So does anyone out there in Interwebz land have a clue on how to do this?
Right now, because of this, I am angry...I am angry at my ADD and depression. I am angry that I allowed myself to be consumed with this. I am angry because I allowed this to take time away from my sons and not give them everything they need. I am angry because I am letting this ruin my life. I am angry because the only person I have to blame for my failures is myself. I am angry because I can't set a good example for my son who also has this on how to live and deal and be a success. I am angry because it has prevented me from holding a job and doing what I love. I am angry enough to fight to get my life back but...how?
There are so many things I want to be that I am jealous of others having. I want to be te best mom I can, I want to get organized, I want to be able to lunch with friends, I want to go food shopping and run errands, I want to wake up on Saturday morning and have coffee and do chores, I want to have the job I want desperately (can almost taste it), I want to be responsible with my time and not just dream of these things, I want to be able to really handle life and not just fake it, I want to do all the "perfect" things in my head like eat better, go for walks, balance my checkbook, etc, I want to be able to make sound decisions that aren't stupid or self destructive and most of all I want to teach my son these things so he can function and know this his mom "has his back". I know I can be better but again, it boils down to how?
I found that Flylady was an excellent resource and I've read her articles and suggestions but the problem is that just getting started is a struggle. I have tried and tried and would do amazing for a few days then that little voice comes back and tells me to just stop and I stupidly listen to it. I want to form habits and have this neat little boxed up life but when everything is scattered it's almost impossible to find the matching pieces and make my neat little box. I will find that I can't do something and just give up. My first order of business is removing the word "can't". I am physicially able to do so I just choose to let my head get in the way. I am admitting that I am the problem. I have to get past the "can't" hurdle. Again I'm asking for help from the Interwebz land.
I have to remove the crap that brings me down. I have to learn to say no to everyone when they are trying to suck me dry and lots of them do. I have to stop giving a royal rat's ass about what's not important. I have to be what some already see me as. The problem is the line between reality and that persona is badly skewed. I just want to be better for them. I don't care if I am better for me. I just want to be better for those 2 little boys that call me Mom and bet the hell out of this stupid thing called ADD.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Missives from an exhausted mind...
I can't sleep and have no idea why...it may have been the killer espresso and bailey's cocktail I had this afternoon or just simply over tired but eh I'm up...and no one else in the house is.
Haven't posted in awhile. Just because of time mostly and packing and cleaning and prepping to move. Huge undertaking...by huge I mean if it can go wrong it has but I'm doing the very best I can not to focus on that...not easy but very necessary...which brings me to one of my topics at hand; handling life and it's glorious curveballs with dignity. Everyone is guilty of having their less than stellar moments where they let the drama get the best of them...myself included more times than I'd like to admit. See I admitted a fault, so therefore I am not preaching I am merely sharing my observations and lessons I learned from said faults. These are only my opinions and if you don't agree that's great...there's a neat little x at the top of your screen so click it and be done.
Pet Peeve Numero Uno...spelling and slang!! ARRRGGGHHH!! This is one I am NOT often guilty of. In this day of social media and technology how you post on Facebook or Twitter or whatever is a presentation of you. If you are going to ghetto speak the people that see it will find you to be uneducated and ridiculous and NOT take you seriously. You can be a brillant mind but if I read a post or missive mispelled with crappy punctuation then I've already judged you. Not good but true. This is your public face. Its like going out in mismatched clothes or wearing a horrid eye shadow. Think before you post people. If you're going to be passive aggressive at least do it spelled right. Know your contractions! Take a class! Read a book even...(ya know those things in the library with paper in it) open one! It will be a whole new world. To get anywhere in life you have to at least be intelligent or be able to fake it. This also applies to drunk posting (guilty) but also I don't care if you get high (I don't. I find it revolting and idiotic and take this very seriously so don't challenge me you won't change my mind) but seriously do you need to put it up cause last I checked it was still illegal and it really lowers what people think of you.
Pet Peeve Numero Dos...Since I touched on passive aggressive I may as well go there...This I am guilty of but getting better. I am learning (through divorce and bitterness) don't ever let them see you sweat cause its ugly and smelly. I am not a confrontational person and that is a blessing and a curse. If you aggravate me enough I will say something. I am just better at ignoring than most people I guess cause I do alot of it. I will kill people with kindness; it may be an underhanded kindness but hell Scarlett didn't get Rhett by playing nice all the time. Martyrdom only worked for a few people in history (think Christ or Joan of Arc) it does NOT work for you. It is an ugly outfit. It doesn't make people feel bad; it makes them talk crap about you. If that's the legacy you want than great. If you have a target, shoot it and move on. Truthfully, I see it on the various social medias and yes it makes me want to know more (gossip monger...another fault). If you are truly in pain and need a friend then find a friend and talk. Go and get what you need at that moment. For just about everyone of my friends I am always available for a glass of wine and a chat but posting it online with sighs and sad faces doesn't help anyone. Remember...PUBLIC PERSONA...I too am working on that lesson and like I said before, I'm trying to get better, baby steps. The challenge I have for you all who read this is try posting something positive for a week or month and see what it does for your image and self esteem. I tried it and while I sometimes fell I still tried. It will make you feel better.
Pet Peeve Numero Tres...Probably should've been number one cause it terribly important but whatever. Emily Post and my grandmother once said "you never discuss politics and religion in polite company". While yes that is true sometimes you can; like when Osama bin Jackass died. Patriotism is always en vogue. I am all for freedom of opinions and setting the world on fire and enjoy a good intelligent debate every now and again but if I don't agree to something you believe and you don't agree with something I believe then it is okay to agree to disagree and remain polite. I don't find you stupid for your beliefs I find you stupid because you're stupid and you can think the same of me. Either way I will still wake up in the morning and God willing so will you. Bigotry and hatred of someone cause of skin color, religion, politics, sexual orientation, etc is just assinine and that too makes you look like less of a person. Everyone has something to give and offer the world. Not all Catholics were in the Inquisition, not all Muslims are terrorists, not all black people are thugs. We let sweeping generalizations affect our independent way of thinking and seeing the world. Love is truly blind. Yes I am a Catholic Republican that believes that Gays and Lesbians should have the right to marry, that if you are born in the wrong body it is your right to change it, that if you take a life you should be locked away, etc. It's my right to think that way and I will not apologize for it just as it's you're right to think your way. I do believe that history will repeat itself if you don't learn the mistakes of past generations. I do believe education is key and the will to do something is enough to change things.
But back to the patriotism...I got the distinct pleasure of going to a gorgeous military wedding this weekend for my cousin who is a physician in the Navy. While in Norfolk, Prince Charming and I took a gorgeous river cruise and got to see some incredible sights including the USS Cole, the USS New York and an LHD boat that just returned from the Red Sea. Truly a humbling and proud experience. I can say after seeing all of that I do feel safe. I am blessed and lucky to know many firemen and emergency service personnel and military and I don't believe they are thanked enough for what they do. I rode an ambulance so I sorta have a clue and I loved a fireman before it was cool so yes I speak from experience. Monday is Memorial Day. Yes, I am going to barbecues this weekend but I am also going to visit a special bench in the park by the library with my sons. That bench has the name of Raymond Ryan next to the US Navy stone. He fought in WW2 (Pacific Theater) and quietly carried his veteran status through life. This is one more reason I am proud to be his granddaughter. My other blessed grandfather, Wilbur Albright, fought in WW2 but in the European theater. He took most of those memories with him when he died and I wish I knew more but him too I am proud to have known and loved and been loved by. They were class and grace and gentlemen and proud Navy men. Thank a Vet, send a card, do something. These men and women are a wealth of knowledge, experience and bravery and they did it so I could sit here on a Friday night at 1am as a woman, mother, aunt, sister, and soon to be wife and write a preachy blog about what I think. That to me is a sacrifice that I'm not sure I could make but I am grateful as hell that they did. This is what I think makes America the greatest country in the world, that she admits to her mistakes and isn't always right and we all have the right to agree and disgaree without being persecuted for it, that we can challenge our government but still respect the office. That makes us great and the regional food isn't bad either haha...
If you made it this far here is my challenge to you...post something good in your life for a month and see if it will take off (all good habits are formed in 30 days says FlyLady...check her out she's brillant) and read a book...I recommend The Greatest Generation by Tom Brokaw. Its an easy read but brilliant in it's ideas and history.
Have a blessed and safe Memorial Day weekend. Thank a Vet...
Haven't posted in awhile. Just because of time mostly and packing and cleaning and prepping to move. Huge undertaking...by huge I mean if it can go wrong it has but I'm doing the very best I can not to focus on that...not easy but very necessary...which brings me to one of my topics at hand; handling life and it's glorious curveballs with dignity. Everyone is guilty of having their less than stellar moments where they let the drama get the best of them...myself included more times than I'd like to admit. See I admitted a fault, so therefore I am not preaching I am merely sharing my observations and lessons I learned from said faults. These are only my opinions and if you don't agree that's great...there's a neat little x at the top of your screen so click it and be done.
Pet Peeve Numero Uno...spelling and slang!! ARRRGGGHHH!! This is one I am NOT often guilty of. In this day of social media and technology how you post on Facebook or Twitter or whatever is a presentation of you. If you are going to ghetto speak the people that see it will find you to be uneducated and ridiculous and NOT take you seriously. You can be a brillant mind but if I read a post or missive mispelled with crappy punctuation then I've already judged you. Not good but true. This is your public face. Its like going out in mismatched clothes or wearing a horrid eye shadow. Think before you post people. If you're going to be passive aggressive at least do it spelled right. Know your contractions! Take a class! Read a book even...(ya know those things in the library with paper in it) open one! It will be a whole new world. To get anywhere in life you have to at least be intelligent or be able to fake it. This also applies to drunk posting (guilty) but also I don't care if you get high (I don't. I find it revolting and idiotic and take this very seriously so don't challenge me you won't change my mind) but seriously do you need to put it up cause last I checked it was still illegal and it really lowers what people think of you.
Pet Peeve Numero Dos...Since I touched on passive aggressive I may as well go there...This I am guilty of but getting better. I am learning (through divorce and bitterness) don't ever let them see you sweat cause its ugly and smelly. I am not a confrontational person and that is a blessing and a curse. If you aggravate me enough I will say something. I am just better at ignoring than most people I guess cause I do alot of it. I will kill people with kindness; it may be an underhanded kindness but hell Scarlett didn't get Rhett by playing nice all the time. Martyrdom only worked for a few people in history (think Christ or Joan of Arc) it does NOT work for you. It is an ugly outfit. It doesn't make people feel bad; it makes them talk crap about you. If that's the legacy you want than great. If you have a target, shoot it and move on. Truthfully, I see it on the various social medias and yes it makes me want to know more (gossip monger...another fault). If you are truly in pain and need a friend then find a friend and talk. Go and get what you need at that moment. For just about everyone of my friends I am always available for a glass of wine and a chat but posting it online with sighs and sad faces doesn't help anyone. Remember...PUBLIC PERSONA...I too am working on that lesson and like I said before, I'm trying to get better, baby steps. The challenge I have for you all who read this is try posting something positive for a week or month and see what it does for your image and self esteem. I tried it and while I sometimes fell I still tried. It will make you feel better.
Pet Peeve Numero Tres...Probably should've been number one cause it terribly important but whatever. Emily Post and my grandmother once said "you never discuss politics and religion in polite company". While yes that is true sometimes you can; like when Osama bin Jackass died. Patriotism is always en vogue. I am all for freedom of opinions and setting the world on fire and enjoy a good intelligent debate every now and again but if I don't agree to something you believe and you don't agree with something I believe then it is okay to agree to disagree and remain polite. I don't find you stupid for your beliefs I find you stupid because you're stupid and you can think the same of me. Either way I will still wake up in the morning and God willing so will you. Bigotry and hatred of someone cause of skin color, religion, politics, sexual orientation, etc is just assinine and that too makes you look like less of a person. Everyone has something to give and offer the world. Not all Catholics were in the Inquisition, not all Muslims are terrorists, not all black people are thugs. We let sweeping generalizations affect our independent way of thinking and seeing the world. Love is truly blind. Yes I am a Catholic Republican that believes that Gays and Lesbians should have the right to marry, that if you are born in the wrong body it is your right to change it, that if you take a life you should be locked away, etc. It's my right to think that way and I will not apologize for it just as it's you're right to think your way. I do believe that history will repeat itself if you don't learn the mistakes of past generations. I do believe education is key and the will to do something is enough to change things.
But back to the patriotism...I got the distinct pleasure of going to a gorgeous military wedding this weekend for my cousin who is a physician in the Navy. While in Norfolk, Prince Charming and I took a gorgeous river cruise and got to see some incredible sights including the USS Cole, the USS New York and an LHD boat that just returned from the Red Sea. Truly a humbling and proud experience. I can say after seeing all of that I do feel safe. I am blessed and lucky to know many firemen and emergency service personnel and military and I don't believe they are thanked enough for what they do. I rode an ambulance so I sorta have a clue and I loved a fireman before it was cool so yes I speak from experience. Monday is Memorial Day. Yes, I am going to barbecues this weekend but I am also going to visit a special bench in the park by the library with my sons. That bench has the name of Raymond Ryan next to the US Navy stone. He fought in WW2 (Pacific Theater) and quietly carried his veteran status through life. This is one more reason I am proud to be his granddaughter. My other blessed grandfather, Wilbur Albright, fought in WW2 but in the European theater. He took most of those memories with him when he died and I wish I knew more but him too I am proud to have known and loved and been loved by. They were class and grace and gentlemen and proud Navy men. Thank a Vet, send a card, do something. These men and women are a wealth of knowledge, experience and bravery and they did it so I could sit here on a Friday night at 1am as a woman, mother, aunt, sister, and soon to be wife and write a preachy blog about what I think. That to me is a sacrifice that I'm not sure I could make but I am grateful as hell that they did. This is what I think makes America the greatest country in the world, that she admits to her mistakes and isn't always right and we all have the right to agree and disgaree without being persecuted for it, that we can challenge our government but still respect the office. That makes us great and the regional food isn't bad either haha...
If you made it this far here is my challenge to you...post something good in your life for a month and see if it will take off (all good habits are formed in 30 days says FlyLady...check her out she's brillant) and read a book...I recommend The Greatest Generation by Tom Brokaw. Its an easy read but brilliant in it's ideas and history.
Have a blessed and safe Memorial Day weekend. Thank a Vet...
Friday, May 13, 2011
Bittersweet but Moving On
Busy last few days here in the Royal Household...no sarcasm today folks...
So today me and ex-husband (formerly known as the Prince) listed the palace with a local real estate agent. I have very mixed feelings on this as this house has been in the family for years. We are the original owners since 1950.
It's bittersweet because I've spent almost every single day of my 33 years of life here. I was baby sat here, I played here, we had the requisite royal gatherings here. HRH Princess N.R. of Middletown, Duchess of Belford can agree with me on all of these points as she too was minded by the Queen Mother herself. These walls have seen grandchildren, great grandchildren, death, loss, and happiness. Unfortunately, these walls also saw the demise of my marriage.
Some of the more blissful memories here I will certainly take with me, even some not so blissful ones. I believe every home has a story and every wall, scratch, fixture, etc. holds a part of our being. It holds a family's story or legacy. This is certainly the case here. We have a wall in the closet where my grandmother (Queen Mother) wrote dates of remodeling, she was a meticulous note taker in all aspects of life. When we removed the paneling I was greeted with my very beloved grandfather's handwriting, of which I hadn't seen in years. Touching that wall where he wrote numbers and measurements let me touch a part of him too. The hallway doorjamb holds the measurements of a tiny precocious child who is now 16 years old who's sarcasm and wit were evident even then. That child, HRH Princess Megs, is an accomplished honors student with an incredible sense of flamboyance and grace not usually seen in girls her age. She is a child of her faith and is not ashamed of it. Her grandparents would be incredibly proud.
I had the blessing of spending most of my days here as a child. After school, homework, snacks, the comforting scent of my grandfathers old work shirts, the click of my grandmothers crochet hook. I used to sit in his lap as a child and pretend to sleep just so he wouldn't move. This house was my safety. I got to be raised here with Princess N.R. What more blessing can one have than to be raised with cousins who daily light up your life and this child did. She was my first living breathing baby doll. I changed her diapers on the kitchen table. I taught her to talk and walk. She was my little shadow and she in turn saved my life in my darkest of preteen days when I felt life was not worth living. She was my biggest fan and she needed me though not like I needed her. We played in the yard. I took her places and enjoyed every laugh and giggle. She is now a stunning young lady with a home of her own and a husband and a life. Without this house and this family I would've not gotten that chance. Her Mother, Queen Nancy of Madeline, was the most beautiful woman in all of the world in my eyes as a child. She had grace and a quiet air. I waited every Saturday morning just to go food shopping with her. This house raised her too as it did my mother and uncle. Its more than just walls.
When I leave I plan on commiting every wall and scratch to memory, taking photos to show my sons and writing the new family a letter telling them that this home was something special. I will take the ghosts with me because (selfishly) I need them. I will not focus on the negative that happened here and only on the idyllic positives that happened. I am blessed truly to have lived this sometimes perfect being. I will not say it was always perfect, there was anger and hate and loss and depression and sometimes violence but what will it do to dwell on those things? I spent enough time doing that and will no longer. You have to walk through the waves to get to the beach and what's a life without some discord and we certainly had plenty (think Kennedys or Windsors but on a much less national and poorer scale). Prince Charming and I along with the 2 princes will find a new palace and make that a home worthy of the King's granddaughter. I know he understands why I have to do this and that is why I'm confident in my decision and what I take with me will never fit in a box. 3 generations of life under one roof is legacy enough for any man and he deserved it.
Good night all...
So today me and ex-husband (formerly known as the Prince) listed the palace with a local real estate agent. I have very mixed feelings on this as this house has been in the family for years. We are the original owners since 1950.
It's bittersweet because I've spent almost every single day of my 33 years of life here. I was baby sat here, I played here, we had the requisite royal gatherings here. HRH Princess N.R. of Middletown, Duchess of Belford can agree with me on all of these points as she too was minded by the Queen Mother herself. These walls have seen grandchildren, great grandchildren, death, loss, and happiness. Unfortunately, these walls also saw the demise of my marriage.
Some of the more blissful memories here I will certainly take with me, even some not so blissful ones. I believe every home has a story and every wall, scratch, fixture, etc. holds a part of our being. It holds a family's story or legacy. This is certainly the case here. We have a wall in the closet where my grandmother (Queen Mother) wrote dates of remodeling, she was a meticulous note taker in all aspects of life. When we removed the paneling I was greeted with my very beloved grandfather's handwriting, of which I hadn't seen in years. Touching that wall where he wrote numbers and measurements let me touch a part of him too. The hallway doorjamb holds the measurements of a tiny precocious child who is now 16 years old who's sarcasm and wit were evident even then. That child, HRH Princess Megs, is an accomplished honors student with an incredible sense of flamboyance and grace not usually seen in girls her age. She is a child of her faith and is not ashamed of it. Her grandparents would be incredibly proud.
I had the blessing of spending most of my days here as a child. After school, homework, snacks, the comforting scent of my grandfathers old work shirts, the click of my grandmothers crochet hook. I used to sit in his lap as a child and pretend to sleep just so he wouldn't move. This house was my safety. I got to be raised here with Princess N.R. What more blessing can one have than to be raised with cousins who daily light up your life and this child did. She was my first living breathing baby doll. I changed her diapers on the kitchen table. I taught her to talk and walk. She was my little shadow and she in turn saved my life in my darkest of preteen days when I felt life was not worth living. She was my biggest fan and she needed me though not like I needed her. We played in the yard. I took her places and enjoyed every laugh and giggle. She is now a stunning young lady with a home of her own and a husband and a life. Without this house and this family I would've not gotten that chance. Her Mother, Queen Nancy of Madeline, was the most beautiful woman in all of the world in my eyes as a child. She had grace and a quiet air. I waited every Saturday morning just to go food shopping with her. This house raised her too as it did my mother and uncle. Its more than just walls.
When I leave I plan on commiting every wall and scratch to memory, taking photos to show my sons and writing the new family a letter telling them that this home was something special. I will take the ghosts with me because (selfishly) I need them. I will not focus on the negative that happened here and only on the idyllic positives that happened. I am blessed truly to have lived this sometimes perfect being. I will not say it was always perfect, there was anger and hate and loss and depression and sometimes violence but what will it do to dwell on those things? I spent enough time doing that and will no longer. You have to walk through the waves to get to the beach and what's a life without some discord and we certainly had plenty (think Kennedys or Windsors but on a much less national and poorer scale). Prince Charming and I along with the 2 princes will find a new palace and make that a home worthy of the King's granddaughter. I know he understands why I have to do this and that is why I'm confident in my decision and what I take with me will never fit in a box. 3 generations of life under one roof is legacy enough for any man and he deserved it.
Good night all...
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Finding Voices for the 2 Princes...
My patience is super slim today and I don't know why.
Spent my day with Prince Charming and HRH #2 (the youngest). Lately HRH2 has been UNBEARABLE...as in whatdayisitdearGodwhatdoIdowithyounow!! I try to affectionately explain to Prince Charming that he is "finding his voice". That's a load of crap though...he's just being a demanding and tantruming and I need a drink.
To a certain extent maybe he is "finding his voice". The child does not have his brother's size on his side. He's my teeny tiny boy. My Precious Moments gorgeous brown eyed child (not my words...I have been stopped in stores and told this). He can make your heart melt...until he speaks. He's a brilliantly funny child and Jr. King of the One Liners (his grandfather in heaven would be proud) but he is now discovering that contrary behavior is the new black and he is wearing it like I wear stilettos. I say red he says blue just because he can. I say no and he butchers me into submission like no one I've ever seen. He makes me laugh daily and is super smart and super quick. He has ZERO fear of anything or anyone (except the dark...battle lines are drawn if it's dark). He finds humor in everything around him and doesn't believe that there is any bad in the world. This little tiny body and huge opinion voice. It's not often he wants his Mommy as he is fiercely independent so when he offers hugs they are to be taken or there would be no love for the Momma. I see other parents at school and they all tell me how HRH2 is the King of the Hill and the Talk of the Class. I need to teach him how to wear that like a cape...a super hero cape preferably, but then he will inevitably jump off of something whether I let him or not. Nothing will stop him...not even me the Evil Princess of Mommydom and Prince Charming...though I have to give him credit where its due...Prince Charming was like Prince Albert of Monaco; a confirmed bachelor. He has taken the reins of stepfatherdom with a passion I can't believe or have seen in any man short of my own stepfather...He wants to know everything and be everywhere and HRH2 is a very worthy opponent. He would open a vein for my sons and in that I am blessed. He plays good cop to my bad and takes on the conversations that I don't want to have (when they come up in my palace) being their mom and a girl. The arguments are sometimes comical in my house and sometimes I'm not sure who is 5 but it's a learning experience and I would have to give Prince Charming a very strong B+ to an A- more for effort than execution. Though Tubby Time was mildly successful tonight in that the child is clean. Don't look too hard though...
I don't remember HRH1 EVER being like this. HRH1 is my charitable child, my heart and soul, my firstborn, my super talented yet non humble brooding soul (think starving artist). He will be the gentle giant. HRH1 sees stories in colors and hears the words to songs and understands things in more than black and white or face value. He roots for the underdog. He will give you the confidence he should keep for himself. I worry for him more than for HRH2. HRH1 has battled and fought and struggled and he's so brilliant and bright but just doesn't know where he fits in the world. He's the one I want to protect and keep. He's the sensitive soul that will find the good in even the most horrid of people. He is kind and faithful. He has is moments of rage and impatience that any 11 year old child has and he loves his video games and NERF guns as much as any other kid but he truly worries what people think of him. I can teach him not to care (cause really who would know better than me...I could sell tabloids apparently) but he always will care. He just wants to be loved. He is always willing to hug or compliment or anything.
Right now if I had to chose a child that was "finding his voice" it would have to be HRH1. I think HRH2 found his already and will take on the world (unless its dark out...reference battle lines).
HRH2 just announced he's going upstairs to get some grub...yep that's my kid...Heir Apparent to the Sarcasm Fortune. I would post the Leaning Crown of Underwear Hat here but it's on my Facebook if you'd like a visual...
Spent my day with Prince Charming and HRH #2 (the youngest). Lately HRH2 has been UNBEARABLE...as in whatdayisitdearGodwhatdoIdowithyounow!! I try to affectionately explain to Prince Charming that he is "finding his voice". That's a load of crap though...he's just being a demanding and tantruming and I need a drink.
To a certain extent maybe he is "finding his voice". The child does not have his brother's size on his side. He's my teeny tiny boy. My Precious Moments gorgeous brown eyed child (not my words...I have been stopped in stores and told this). He can make your heart melt...until he speaks. He's a brilliantly funny child and Jr. King of the One Liners (his grandfather in heaven would be proud) but he is now discovering that contrary behavior is the new black and he is wearing it like I wear stilettos. I say red he says blue just because he can. I say no and he butchers me into submission like no one I've ever seen. He makes me laugh daily and is super smart and super quick. He has ZERO fear of anything or anyone (except the dark...battle lines are drawn if it's dark). He finds humor in everything around him and doesn't believe that there is any bad in the world. This little tiny body and huge opinion voice. It's not often he wants his Mommy as he is fiercely independent so when he offers hugs they are to be taken or there would be no love for the Momma. I see other parents at school and they all tell me how HRH2 is the King of the Hill and the Talk of the Class. I need to teach him how to wear that like a cape...a super hero cape preferably, but then he will inevitably jump off of something whether I let him or not. Nothing will stop him...not even me the Evil Princess of Mommydom and Prince Charming...though I have to give him credit where its due...Prince Charming was like Prince Albert of Monaco; a confirmed bachelor. He has taken the reins of stepfatherdom with a passion I can't believe or have seen in any man short of my own stepfather...He wants to know everything and be everywhere and HRH2 is a very worthy opponent. He would open a vein for my sons and in that I am blessed. He plays good cop to my bad and takes on the conversations that I don't want to have (when they come up in my palace) being their mom and a girl. The arguments are sometimes comical in my house and sometimes I'm not sure who is 5 but it's a learning experience and I would have to give Prince Charming a very strong B+ to an A- more for effort than execution. Though Tubby Time was mildly successful tonight in that the child is clean. Don't look too hard though...
I don't remember HRH1 EVER being like this. HRH1 is my charitable child, my heart and soul, my firstborn, my super talented yet non humble brooding soul (think starving artist). He will be the gentle giant. HRH1 sees stories in colors and hears the words to songs and understands things in more than black and white or face value. He roots for the underdog. He will give you the confidence he should keep for himself. I worry for him more than for HRH2. HRH1 has battled and fought and struggled and he's so brilliant and bright but just doesn't know where he fits in the world. He's the one I want to protect and keep. He's the sensitive soul that will find the good in even the most horrid of people. He is kind and faithful. He has is moments of rage and impatience that any 11 year old child has and he loves his video games and NERF guns as much as any other kid but he truly worries what people think of him. I can teach him not to care (cause really who would know better than me...I could sell tabloids apparently) but he always will care. He just wants to be loved. He is always willing to hug or compliment or anything.
Right now if I had to chose a child that was "finding his voice" it would have to be HRH1. I think HRH2 found his already and will take on the world (unless its dark out...reference battle lines).
HRH2 just announced he's going upstairs to get some grub...yep that's my kid...Heir Apparent to the Sarcasm Fortune. I would post the Leaning Crown of Underwear Hat here but it's on my Facebook if you'd like a visual...
Monday, May 9, 2011
First Blog Ever
Sooo...after much consideration and reading my dear friends blogs and extol the virtues of blogging, I decided to jump in the pot and see what's cookin...
I'm a "fly by the seat of my pants" kinda girl in some aspects and this foray is definitely one of those things. I did think about it and it was goal and yadda yadda yadda but did I ever think I would do it...nah...but here I am. Another one of the many things that I've done that I didn't think I would do. Even funnier about this is that had I not gotten into a tiff with Prince Charming (we will get into him later but that's what I call my wonderful fiance) I probably wouldn't be downstairs in my newly cleaned office doing this. (Yes I'm proud of my newly cleaned office, hidden in the basement)
As I type this my 11 year old, we will call him Heir Apparent, is playing the Wii and narrating a baseball game and my 5 year old; we will call him Harry, just cause he reminds me in some ways of Prince Harry of Wales...we will get into my morbid obsession with all things royal in another blog...is happily and toplessly cutting piece of paper into a shape only he knows. I don't know why he's topless but I also am not asking. As I listen while I type and hear them speak I do sit and wonder what could possibly be going through their heads? Is it as simple as a baseball game or scissors? What do they think of me as a mom? Am I too doting or am I too mean? I'm afraid to ask...I'm sure later in life they will tell me but right now I just want to revel in the innocence that is them. They are what drive me. They are why I look for jobs and do my best (which right now isn't great) or go without eating to buy school pictures, etc.
I know the world will not love them like I do, I know no one will love them like I do but I want to present the world with 2 incredible young men who have something to offer even if it is just a wii baseball commentary or a killer piece of cut origami...topless (yea still). I want them to be better than me, cliche I know but true. I want them to be gentlemen, even if they are ditch diggers at least be dignified about it. I want them to know that class and grace will get you further in life. I want them to know that they are cut from the stock of a man who exuded class and grace and an honest days' work and charity. This man ahd a 1000 watt smile whether he liked you or not. This man was a gentlemen and would hate the pedestal he lives on in my world. This man was an HVAC repairman, not white collar or Ivy League trained. I want them to know and live to his standard. The problem is I sometimes forget to make that my standard.
Since my divorce, I have not learned yet to "up" my standards. I yell and cry and curse and wish bad things and maybe this blog is my way of "writing" and seeing in pure thought what I do and where I can get better. It can be a honest account of what is really happening behind the Clinique Chocolate Ice lipstick (that lately I haven't been putting on). I hope that it is and I hope that maybe one person looks behind my sometimes shallow and Scarlett O'Hara type advice and see that it takes baby steps to get back once was. Tomorrow I will try like hell to take that small baby step and put my lipstick on...
PS If you haven't tried the Clinique Chocolate Ice lipstick...do so!! It will change your life!
I'm a "fly by the seat of my pants" kinda girl in some aspects and this foray is definitely one of those things. I did think about it and it was goal and yadda yadda yadda but did I ever think I would do it...nah...but here I am. Another one of the many things that I've done that I didn't think I would do. Even funnier about this is that had I not gotten into a tiff with Prince Charming (we will get into him later but that's what I call my wonderful fiance) I probably wouldn't be downstairs in my newly cleaned office doing this. (Yes I'm proud of my newly cleaned office, hidden in the basement)
As I type this my 11 year old, we will call him Heir Apparent, is playing the Wii and narrating a baseball game and my 5 year old; we will call him Harry, just cause he reminds me in some ways of Prince Harry of Wales...we will get into my morbid obsession with all things royal in another blog...is happily and toplessly cutting piece of paper into a shape only he knows. I don't know why he's topless but I also am not asking. As I listen while I type and hear them speak I do sit and wonder what could possibly be going through their heads? Is it as simple as a baseball game or scissors? What do they think of me as a mom? Am I too doting or am I too mean? I'm afraid to ask...I'm sure later in life they will tell me but right now I just want to revel in the innocence that is them. They are what drive me. They are why I look for jobs and do my best (which right now isn't great) or go without eating to buy school pictures, etc.
I know the world will not love them like I do, I know no one will love them like I do but I want to present the world with 2 incredible young men who have something to offer even if it is just a wii baseball commentary or a killer piece of cut origami...topless (yea still). I want them to be better than me, cliche I know but true. I want them to be gentlemen, even if they are ditch diggers at least be dignified about it. I want them to know that class and grace will get you further in life. I want them to know that they are cut from the stock of a man who exuded class and grace and an honest days' work and charity. This man ahd a 1000 watt smile whether he liked you or not. This man was a gentlemen and would hate the pedestal he lives on in my world. This man was an HVAC repairman, not white collar or Ivy League trained. I want them to know and live to his standard. The problem is I sometimes forget to make that my standard.
Since my divorce, I have not learned yet to "up" my standards. I yell and cry and curse and wish bad things and maybe this blog is my way of "writing" and seeing in pure thought what I do and where I can get better. It can be a honest account of what is really happening behind the Clinique Chocolate Ice lipstick (that lately I haven't been putting on). I hope that it is and I hope that maybe one person looks behind my sometimes shallow and Scarlett O'Hara type advice and see that it takes baby steps to get back once was. Tomorrow I will try like hell to take that small baby step and put my lipstick on...
PS If you haven't tried the Clinique Chocolate Ice lipstick...do so!! It will change your life!
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